Scared To Be Pregnant

I've been pregnant to 10 weeks twice. both times I had horrible nausea that was relentless and could never be resolved. I always ended up in the hospital both times. now, as the possibility of being pregnant again gets closer and closer, I feel so scared. I think I have hypermesis gravidarum. This terrifies me to my core. that was the worst illness, worse than my pain with my endometriosis. pain is pain, but constant nausea is something I can't live through. if it wasn't for that and my insecurities (that we won't get into) I think I'd be 100% on board. but now I'm about 40% on board. and 60% scared shitless. I'm not really asking for help...just to talk.