My husband and I have been together now for 10 years and married for 6. We met on POF when I was 17 and he was 20. Why I was on that site at such a young age is beyond me...I remember when i first started talking to him he would ask inappropriate things and I have a vague memory of him telling me he was a sex addict when we first started talking. But being 17 and naive I didn’t think anything of it. I remember soon after talking he said he went to Quebec to see his ex girlfriend, looking back I feel like he was still dating her and talking to me at the same time. we had a long distance relationship for a year, and then he moved down to my city to be with me.

We dated for 3 years. In those 3 years I would get messages from girls saying he was on POF. It was always weird like a friend of mine or a friend of a friend so it always got traced back to me. Of course he always denied it. I remember he had a close relationship with a co worker and one of the times I got a message from someone saying he was on POF he said he was her trying to “frame” him...he would always cry whenever I confronted him about these things. I was so so young and naive and just thought that it either wasn’t true or think it would go away. A week before our wedding I saw that his most visited website on his computer was POF. His excuse was that it was “from before.” Everyone was already here for the wedding and I didn’t know what to do, looking back I shouldn’t have been so naive but I brushed it off again.

So we got married. It was everything we dreamed of, as he was saying his vows to me he was bawling his eyes out and saying how much he loved me. And I truly believe he does and that he meant that. Unfortunately 3 months after we got married I started working nights. The first night I worked he told me he was going out for coffee with a coworker who was new to the city so he wanted to show them around. The next day we went out on a date and I got a text from a friend asking if this was my husbands number. I said yes...she told me her best friend went on a date with my husband the night before and he has invited her to our apartment but she didn’t go because she wasn’t comfortable. The friend showed her a photo of him to show who she went out with and she recognized him as my husband. I was devastated. I kicked him out for a few days, we talked and he was crying and crying about how he has a problem and he was sorry. I moved back in and we went to counselling.

In counselling he said he was severely bullied as a child and has severe self esteem issues. He said he needs constant affirmation and attention and he looks for it in the wrong places. We worked really hard and things were amazing. I didn’t hear anything of it for FOUR years. Then I got the same old message that he was on POF again. Are you kidding me...I sent him to a hotel for a few weeks and of course...took him back...and back to counseling we went. A year later I got another screenshot from POF. This time I didn’t tell anyone or even do anything about it except confront him. Of course, he cried and cried and said he has an addiction and he didn’t know what to do. He talked to our pastor and we continued in therapy. That was 2 years ago.

Our marriage has always been amazing. We are best friends, have the same interests, share inside jokes, we rarely argue or fight. Throughout our therapy we have learned to communicate and I feel like our communication is really good. Although sometimes I feel he is very surface with me, like he doesn’t always let me all the way in to how he’s feeling deep down. No one can believe when I tell them that he would do these things because everyone sees us as the cutest, most in love couple ever. And we are...except for this secret looming in the background. The only issue we’ve ever had besides this is not having sex very often (like once a week or once every 2 weeks) because I’m always so tired, working 12 hr shifts. I shut him down a lot and I’m trying to work on that. I’ve been trying to see my own flaws and trying to me the best person I can be without worrying what he’s doing. Trust is obviously still a factor in our relationship but I’ve been trying to focus on what I can improve about myself (and no, I don’t think any of this has anything whatsoever to do with me or is my fault).

I am now 23 weeks pregnant with our first child after trying for 2 years and going through fertility treatments. Things are really good in our marriage. My friends have asked me why I didn’t leave and why I choose to keep staying. The truth is, I know I don’t deserve for that to happen to me. But I am happy with him. I always have been. I can genuinely say that...and people don’t understand. Maybe because I grew up with him....he’s my best friend and I can’t imagine life without him.

Part of me though, has it in the back of my mind that it’s only a matter of time before I get a screenshot from someone saying he’s on POF again. We have done a lot of work and therapy, but deep down I will always wonder.

Thanks for reading such a long story. I have never told anyone all the details because usually after I say the first time it happened I get judgement and told that I should have left him long ago.

❤️❤️❤️