This is mostly a rant sorry don’t read unless you can spare a few minutes I need to get this out I’m thirteen and suffering from depression, ptsd, anxiety, obsessive disorder, and I have a really addictive personality

Ever since I was three I have had family problems my mum got pregnant with my dad the first night they met (she was 17) they met at a pub which will explain why he is an alcoholic, he had always been abusive to my mum behind the scenes and always acted the perfect dad in front of me until my brother was born (my brother is now 7) the drinking got worse and he would come home and start verbally abusing my mum when I was 9 and my brother was 3 we had to go to this place for families that had suffered domestic violence, I remember it all so easily, after the air had cleared a bit we went home and moved back in with my dad thinking things had gotten better which they obviously hadn’t, some nights it would get that bad we would drive over to my Nan’s house and stay the night there this happened until I was 11 and then my dad started getting physically abusive as well, which absolutely broke me mostly because I loved him so much, because things were getting like that, we were barely home and always staying in hotels and other rentals or my mums friends houses, and then as I turned twelve my dad got an order against him and we could only visit him on weekends and Wednesday nights for dinner, this happened for 5 months until my dad thought my mum was with him friend through tinder as my dads friend was trying to make my dad agitated my dad took drastic measures and burnt down my mums old house and his mates car and got kicked out of the house he was in, he had lied to me and said the farmers mum got cancer and they needed the house... I found out this through a friend who’s dad was mates with my dad I was so depressed I guess that’s when my depression took over me, and then as things settled down a lot there my nan got kicked out of her house and needed to move in with us until she could get on her feet again, I always loved her but she had changed and was very aggressive some nights at home we would fight and argue so much that one night I jumped out my window and ran to my friends house until my nan threatened to call the cops when my mum got home she believed all my nan said /my nan tried kicking down my door because I locked it but my mum didn’t believe this/ she didn’t believe what I said until early this year, this carried in for a while until my nan got with her ex who cheated on her and started getting angrier so we got an order in her and made her move out ever since then I still fight with my mum and my brother and I’m always scared to go to my dads and haven’t seen my nan in around 6 months. That’s my family story and at school... my friends have been leaving me out of a lot of things and acting like they don’t give a single fuck what happens with me I’m back with my boyfriend who I had broke with earlier this year after 6 months and after our breakup I fell in love with this guy who was in a relationship which I didn’t honestly know much about, we were both at my mates party and I had my head resting on his shoulder and he had his head resting on my head, someone took a photo of that, the next day we met up at a park with the guy who’s party I went to and his girlfriend, this guy saw my scars on my wrist and kissed each one of them saying I was gonna be okay and he would help me through this and I would never be alone again when I needed to go home I absolutely forgot he was in a relationship and we made out as he said goodbye he started saying he loved me and all that I was so happy and then he reminded me that he had a girlfriend and that he loved us both I told him to choose and he chose her which obviously broke me even more... he told his mate that we kissed and they told people that this guy and I slept together and since then I’m known as a slut and now there is this guy going around saying that i makeout with him every weekend and that we do more than just that and that I send nudes to multiple people I’m now known as a slut among three different schools and tonight I’m now not a week clean and I’ve got cuts down my thigh and on my shoulder I don’t give a fuck what people think anymore and I don’t want to live anymore... I’ve also taken 22 sleeping pills which aren’t working /they are not the big ones that would kill u if u took more that 7/ I don’t know what to do anymore..

Please excuse any spelling errors...