So let me start by saying that I would go through it all again in a heart beat and sitting here watching my son sleep is one of the most precious gifts i have ever been given. Now let’s get to the birth story. My due date was November 30 and I had been experiencing some signs of labor in the days leading up ( loss of mucus plug, bloody show, sporadic contractions). I decided to go with my husband in to town on my due date to get a massage to help me relax and make some of the aches and pains go away. During the massage my contractions started to become more regular but not really close together or painful. We got home and around 6pm contractions were 7 minutes apart. We waited ( him sleeping and me trying to sleep) until around 1:30 am before I decided we needed to go (we live an hour and a half from the hospital). In the car the contractions got closer together and more intense since I couldn’t change positions so I was glad to see the hospital when we got there. Triage check and we are at 3cm so we decide to walk around the hospital. 2 hours later, recheck, 4cm. I decide to go get breakfast before they admit me and when we come back my midwife had arrived and we are admitted. Finally going to get to meet my son! Contractions were painful but manageable at this point and the jacuzzi tubs in the birthing rooms were my haven. We continued with my goal of all natural birth and I cycled through tub, birthing ball, squatting and on all fours for the next several hours. Labor stalled for me at 5cm and they came in to break my water. That was when the pain actually began. Contractions came hard and often and my only relief was in the tub which I was allowed to do in 20 minute segments. By the time the next check came I was not the same person that had went in to the room. I was in a primal state doing anything to manage the pain. They checked and I was at 8cm. I looked at my husband with my tear streaked face and feeling complete defeat and exhaustion I decided to change my birth plan and get an epidural. I hated saying the words because I had been telling myself for months that I was strong enough to do an all natural delivery (since then i realize it was not weakness to ask for relief from pain but that that decision was my true moment of strength, being able to recognize my limits). We got the epidural going and the relief from pain was mind blowing. I could joke and sleep (only for an hour because once I got the epidural and was able to relax I finished dilating except for a tiny rim). Time goes by and the epidural wears off slightly right after they give me pitocin to regulate my contractions. The pain stormed back in to one side of my stomach (which helped me know when to push) and I had a short pain period before we were ready to push. They helped me onto my hands and knees to better position my son and after a half hour of pushing (which was a huge relief) in that position a mirror was brought in (I wanted to see the birth and my progress since I couldn’t fully feel anything) and I was flipped over to continue pushing. Once on my back again the pushing got serious. After an hour of hard pushing and being able to see his head, we realized he was going to be a large baby. His head finally came out and I thought we were in the home stretch. His shoulders were stuck for 75 seconds and watching them try to get him out while I pushed with everything I had left was terrifying but at 1:31 am December 1 my son was born. He laid on my chest without making a sound for almost 30 seconds while I begged for him to cry. They said it was just shock from having such a traumatic entry but I will never complain about hearing my baby cry because i was destroyed laying there thinking my baby had died and his voice screaming out was the most beautiful music I had ever heard. I was so focused on him I hadn’t realized my own state. My midwife was busy at work stitching but the concern of the nurses hit me immediately. My blood pressure had dropped to 82/45, I was shaking from the adrenaline and drifting in and out of consciousness. They finished my stitching, told me I had a hematoma that needed to be watched and started the fundal massage. All this happened and I was barely in my mind for it. Exhaustion and blood loss were trying to take over. After that first hour of skin to skin and breast feeding they weighed my son. 10lb 1.4 oz and 19.5 in long. He had the second biggest head of vaginal deliveries in the hospital history. Big first baby. They waiting another hour to move us to recovery. Once there they wanted me to empty my bladder so they took me into the bathroom where I promptly passed out 3 times and they moved me back to my bed and used a cath instead. Since I was passing out they wanted to keep monitoring me so still no real sleep. Later that day (since he was born at 1:31 am) they come in and do a blood draw and my hemoglobin was at a 6.4 (should be 10 or 11). They decide I need 2 units of blood and get me started on that. I find out I had a 2nd degree tear (not bad really) and the hematoma is absorbed so nothing to worry about. My son is healthy and happy but I am still very ill overall. 2 units of blood made enough difference that they let us come home and at 1:30 am on December 3rd I was finally able to sleep. My recovery has been excellent since being home but I never could have imagined the toll birthing would take on my body after labor. I was so thankful that I changed my birth plan to the epidural because if I hadn’t we would have had a c-section baby which wasn’t necessary thanks to the epidural. The wear and tear my body faced seems to tiny when I look at my son and when we rewatch the video of his birth. It may not have been an easy experience, but it was mine and I appreciate anyone who took the time to read it.