Date: 12/6

So, I’m 16 and this year I decided that I wanted to have new friends and try to get a boyfriend. Well I made a great group of friends and they are all amazing people who I love you hang out with! In our friend group are my two best friends from years perviously and 5 more people 4 of which are boys. One of the boys I developed a crush on ( jake) and my best friend (Katie) developed a crush on my guy best friend (Taylor). Taylor and Katie dated for about 3 days before Katie ended things because she was stressed. Then Taylor had a freak out because he liked he so much and she was leading him on. So, I took it upon myself to make Taylor feel better and I did make him feel better and we became closer. The boy I had a crush on, Jake, I told him I liked him and he didn’t seem so into it at first but then he all the sudden did and wanted to meet my parents. We went on 2 dates and on the second he asked my parents if he could date me. Jake and I kissed a view times and it was not good at all and he made it really awkward by apologizing. All my friends at school always joke about us banging and his only response is “idk when were gonna bang guys” right in front of me. I tell Taylor everything I feel because I trust him so much, so he knows all of my insecurities about the relationship I have with Jake. Taylor is my guy best friend and I trust him with everything. He knows all my turn ons and things I hate in relationships. We are very close.

This is where it gets complicated. Taylor and I hang out constantly because we are besties and I drive him home everyday from school and we hang out at his house. Last Friday, we went on a road trip to go to his hometown that is 2 hours away to go to his cousins sweet 16. He invited me because we always have a lot of fun together. At the party, everyone thought Taylor and I were boyfriend and girlfriend, but we were just there as friends. It was a really fun night. Towards the end of the party, they played a slow song and he asked if I wanted to dance with him. I said of course and I put his hands on my lower back and we started dancing. He knows eye contact is one of my turn ons and he looked me in the eyes the entire time. He turned me on a lot. Then still at the party as I joke I went up to him and started morning because I thought he would think it was funny and he was like “Maggie, your turning me on”. I didn’t think much of it and we continued on. Then on the way home I was really quiet because I was turned on a lot by Taylor and didn’t want things to be awkward. Then Taylor turned off the music and asked what was wrong and I told him and he confessed to me that he has been turned since we dance together as well. This is a 2 hour car ride and we were both insanely horny kids. He kept trying to turn me on more and then when we were close to his house he grabbed my hand and started caressing it which turned me on so much. Then when I dropped him off he asked me to get out of the car and I did. He hugged me so tightly grabbed my romper and started kissing my neck. I stopped him from doing anything else and went home. I was so wet and turned okay I was shaking.

Saturday I woke up at 3:00am and vomited from pure stress of wanted to have sex with Taylor when he is my best friend. I told him about it and he told me that he wanted to kiss me so badly on Friday but I pulled away to quickly. Note I am sick, not healthy and I have things to do all day. We flirt a lot and he just keeps talking about how he wants to kiss and hold me and I’m so turned on all day. So on my way home, I stop by his house. At his house, we make out a lot and I end up taking off my shirt and bra and he gave me nipple orgasms. Anyway, I was at his house for like 3 hours. It was amazing and It felt so good. He knows all my turn ons and he did them all. We didn’t have sex and I never took off my pants, but we did a lot of stuff anyway. The only issue was that he gave me so many Hickies on my neck and had to give me on of his sweatshirts to cover them up.

After I left, I went to two my friend’s birthday dinner with my best friend Katie and they asked why I was wearing Taylor’s hoodie and I said it was because was cold. Then as a joke my friend says “why are you covering your neck so much? Do you have hickies or something” I start to freak out in my mind and then told them that jake gave me the hickies and it freaked me out that he did because we were going so slow and then he just attacked my neck. So then, my friends now think that Jake is all horny and into me now when really it was Taylor. Then on the way home Katie looks at me and says “I miss Taylor so much, I still am really into him” and I then feel all the guilt in the world.

I tell Taylor that she is still into him and he explains that he is only into me and that he thinks about me constantly.

Also, I’m incredibly sick. This has been a 5 day sickness and it has gotten worse. I have not been at school, but the whole group has. Every day after school Taylor and I just flirt a ton and we talk about everything. I really like Taylor, but we could never date because the thought of losing him because of dating is not worth it and our group would defriend us.

I told jake that our relationship was stressing me out and that I’m trying to figure out what is going on in my life and he seems to be understanding. I haven’t ended anything yet just because I haven’t left my bed.

Update 12/9 : i went to school and jake has avoided me consistently. Taylor and I secretly flirt at school and now one person knows of our situation in our friend group because she guessed it. Taylor and I have gone to his house after school and made out and done some stuff both days.

Our group went on a last minute trip to an arcade where jake just apologized for always over reacting and then immediately left when I asked if we could sit and talk.

Today my entire group is coming to my dance performance and then everyone is coming back to my house.

I will keep everything updated