Iv been wish my fiancé 5years we have 2 children together and the whole relationship I have questioned weather I love him or not

I think I love him but I’m not in love with him

I can’t remember the last time we had sex I just don’t want to sleep with him haven’t for years apart from when I wanted my children

We fight everyday

He only cares about himself

He’s a pretty shitty parent

Everything is a poor more story and when ever I try to talk about anything he always brings the conversation back to him and always has to be worse off

Eg: I have a sore back so he says he has a sore back every day and he is tired me and the kids kept him up all night and he has a tooth ache as well etc (always needs to be worse off)

He worked 6 days this week (cause he wanted to for extra cash for himself) and has spent the whole of today in garage working on his car

I have no friends ever since I met him he hates all the people I was friends with so I stopped talking to them

We just moved ages away from were we grew up and where our family’s are and he drives back to the area everyday for work while me and the kids are stuck out here (just farm land surrounded by nothing)

I have no 1 to talk to about this stuff

I have put on so much weight during our relationship that I’m to embarrass to even try and make friends and I no it’s my fault for not having will power but it’s hard when I tell him I’m going to be healthy so he comes home with takeaway and soft drink and lollies and he is so happy and makes me feel like I should be grateful (which I am but it also constantly sets my back and yes iv told him that)

All I can think of lately is leaving him and just being free again but I don’t want to spend tome away from my children they are almost 3 and 1 and iv NEVER not been with them except my eldest for one night while I was having my youngest my kids are my life and are the only thing that makes me happy and want to live

I hate every other part of my life

And if I leave him I’m stuck out here because I will never be able to afford to move back and can’t stay with family cause my mums partner is a dick and my dad lives even further away , he knows so much about me I’m worried he will tell others and if he really wanted to be horrible he could get me into a lot of trouble so I feel trapped and if I leave Ill lose everything

Don’t really no if I want advice or not I just don’t have anyone and needed to get this off my chest

Let’s see those rings! 💍💍💍