*Trigger* Loss


Hey ladies. I'm in a rut. I'm supposed to be 10w 2d right now. But instead, I've been walking with our baby inside me with no heartbeat for nearly a month. I had my first appt at 6 weeks. My hcg was normal. It was 21k. I felt sick. I had the boob pain. I had all of the pregnancy symptoms. At 8w and 5d I started spotting. Brown. Some pink. Not flowing. Just spotting. After 5 days of that the cramps got bad. So I went to the ER. Hcg was still normal for my estimated delivery date. It was almost 39k. But ultrasound showed baby measured 6w 4d. Not the 9w 3d I was. I held onto hope. The tech fudged the ultrasound or that it was some fluke. Went to my doctor at 9w and 5d. Hcg had dropped to 20k in just 36 hours. Again ultrasound confirmed that baby has no heartbeat. And this is a miscarriage. After my doctor's appointment I had heavier spotting. It was pink. I figured it was triggered by the vaginal ultrasound. But it lasted only a few hours and stopped. It's been 4 days. And now there's nothing. No more blood. No more nausea. No more boob pain. There's just nothing. I go back to my doctor on Thursday. And if I haven't passed baby by then, it's d&c; time. I am so heartbroken. I am so hurt. I have a 7 and 3 year old.b But my SO has none. I feel like Ib failed him. If eel like my body failed us. Yet I don't think I can try again. I don't understand how it's been so long and my body hasn't pushed everything out. I don't get why my levels continued to rise for three weeks. When the baby was gone. And I don't understand why there is no more bleeding now. This is the worst. I just had to vent. Thanks guys.