Hi everyone, I'm 16. I have a boyfriend and sad to say but we have had multiple opportunities to fuck. We've been together for a year and we'll we've done minimal things like oral and fingering for me etc but I've always been too afraid to initiate to go farther than that with him. I got high recently with him and I consented to trying and I was able to try it with ease and feel no embarrassment when I was high. He couldn't get it in because my beds to low and he's not used to fucking doggystyle. He's never gotten it in and we've never actually fucked and I'm really sad about that. I want him but I'm so shy and insecure sometimes. I know that's the problem but here's the thing, he recently told me that when we got high he kind of had bad flashbacks afterwards of when he was a sophomore in Highschool and smoked because of depression. I felt horrible. Aside from just not knowing how he felt about it until now, it made me feel like I did something wrong..I just remember trying have him put it in and like I keep thinking maybe I shouldn't have done that. It had nothing to do with bad sexual memories just the depression for him but I felt like what I did wasn't right now that I know that and it's made me not want to fuck anymore at all..another problem with me is that about a year ago and a half my neighbor was my fwb even though I had major feelings for him and he practically broke my heart but I still fucked him because i thought it would bring us back as old time friends that we were but no it only drew us farther and more into fwb. This has lead me to be insecure and feel that I can't initiate anything because my fwb was always the one to just quickly jump into the act. Do you guys think I need therapy? I need advice on how to be confident with my self and not feel weird when my boyfriend and I initiate anything. I think I'm deeply troubled but it's hard for me to discuss the problem because I don't quite know how to.