I’m 18 and I struggle with self harm. I have gone to my boyfriend for help during the times that I want to hurt myself but I’m trying not to but when I fail and end up hurting myself, I feel like I hurt him so much too. He gets really upset when I hurt myself. One time when we were talking, I promised him that I would always tell him when I’m having these feelings but then there was once or twice that this I hurt myself without telling him and it ended up coming out a few weeks later and he called me a liar for not telling him about it. I HATE when people lie so when he said this I felt really bad and apologized. Since then, I haven’t been able to not tell him when I’m feeling this way and I always feel terrible for hurting him.

Yesterday I was getting this feeling and I really wanted to hurt myself but he was also feeling kinda sad at that moment so he wasn’t really much help since he wasn’t feeling too good himself. Eventually I couldn’t bear it any longer and decided I was just going to do it and I texted him “I’m just going to do it. Bye.” I only said bye because I didn’t want him to try to convince me not to do it but I realized later after he talked to me about it, that it could have been taken in a way that’s bye forever and I really shouldn’t have said that and I completely admit I was wrong by saying that especially since I didn’t answer a few of his texts and calls afterwards because I was too busy hurting myself. After this happened (but before he talked to me about what he thought) he said he was going to hurt himself too because he wanted to know what. It felt like to hurt himself (he has never said anything like this before) I immediately tried to stop him and said he shouldn’t do it but then like I did, he stopped answering me. I was terrified. Here are the messages so I don’t explain this wrong because I really want to know id what he did was wrong. Because I really feel like it was wrong for him to do what he did but he seems to think it was fine. Please tell me what you think. I would really appreciate it.