I am going to start by saying there are those who call me a hippy, so I expected to butt heads with my son’s pediatrician at some point. The other thing you should know is that there are TWO pediatricians available in our area (rural), and my son is normally seen by one (Dr. M) but recently was treated by the other (Dr. R) because Dr. M was booked up. They are at the same facility (the only one). We live in a pretty traditional area not known for its advances in medical science.

That being said, Dr. M keeps recommending things for my child that I then research and find to be outdated. It started with recommending an iron and vitamin D supplement. She told me that babies need this vitamin and I should give it to him daily. I have since learned that exclusively breastfed babies under 6 months almost never need supplements and that iron supplements can actually harm them! He has no signs or symptoms of deficiency and hasn’t been tested for one. I also learned that recommending this supplement has become pretty common practice for pediatricians up until very VERY recently (I would bet most of you got the same advice), so I understand why Dr. M’s methods are the way they are.

WHAT CONCERNS ME is that when I try to talk to her about it, she makes me feel like I am failing my child by not taking her advice. She listened to my concerns, then warned that if my child doesn’t get enough iron he could have growth and development problems. I pointed out that he is off the charts (literally, he passed the 100th percentile) and hitting all his milestones early, and she was like “let’s not ruin that.” But, I haven’t been giving him his vitamin, anyway! So we wouldn’t be “ruining” anything, just continuing what we are already doing. This is just one example, and if it were the only one I wouldn’t be writing this.

So here’s my dilemma: my son is almost six months old, and the one time he was seen by Dr. R he LOVED HER but I don’t know if Dr. R is like Dr. M because there wasn’t enough time for me to chat with her. I want to switch peds, but I worry that I will end up in the same situation. So, really, what I need is advice on how to have these discussions with my doctor. I don’t just read Buzzfeed articles and then act like my doc is trying to kill my child (which is the trend amongst my hippy counterparts). I am college-educated so I like to think I present myself well, and my sources are published studies that I read through myself. I try to ask questions (like “Were all babies anemic before we introduced iron supplements?”) but Dr. M tends to sort of laugh them off, like I am silly for asking them, and then give a weird answer that is not really an answer, like, “Well we wouldn’t be recommending it if we thought it was hurting babies.” My husband has twice almost lost his life because of bad medical care (both times he was given a lethal dose of medication, one of which was a supplement), so I don’t know how to tell Dr. M that I inherently don’t trust her.

I do my best not to come across as an arrogant know-it-all but it seems like Dr. M takes me to be that way no matter what. I did not get this vibe at all from Dr. R and the fact that my son liked her so much more makes me want to switch anyway. BUT I still need to know how to talk about my parenting decisions with my pediatrician, just in case Dr. R is the same as Dr. M, or in case we are stuck with Dr. M. I think I have this fear that both doctors will decide not to treat my son because I am a terrible parent for not giving him an iron supplement, but I know this is unrealistic (is it?).

Help?