SO (male, American) is bisexual I’m (female, Asian) straight. Our sex life have been miserable.

At first he would not get hard.

Then every time he gets hard and puts on a condom, he gets soft as soon as he touches me or I touch his dick or his dick touches my vagina. For a while I cried every time because I felt like it was because of me. I even asked him if he’s scared of Asian vaginas.

Lately I’ve been able to get him hard but there’s no guarantee it’ll stay hard long enough. And we basically have to watch porn to fuck every time. It’s exhausting and gross and pathetic.

I recently found out he’s only had sex with 2 girls a total of 3 times before we started dating. He has fucked guys and was butt raped by a guy before😢.

And as for me, I’ve had sex for 40+ times with the same partner who was emotionally and sexually abusive which is another story not important here. I lost my virginity to this abusive guy and everything I know about sex was taught by him so I worried that things I do just don’t work for my current boyfriend.

I feel sad for what he’s been through but at the same time I’m exhausted with trying so hard. I’m used to the previous partner getting hard every time even when he just looked at me.

Idk what to do guys, I really don’t wanna watch porn anymore 🤮😫

Reply to MK:

Thank you for the detailed advice that’s very nice of you.

We had talked many times, I’ve straight up asked him what he wants or likes, the answer I get is he’s submissive. And my answer is “oh crap so am I.”

I think his feelings are stronger than mine. He said I love you to me within the first month since we started dating, his family loves me and we live together. Which made things a lot harder and awkward because honestly I’ve been feeling pushed since he started chasing. Everything was not at a pace I was comfortable with. I honestly think I just needed love and attention and he was there and it could’ve been anyone.

I’ve told him that I want things to cool down, slow down, my two best friends who are also good friends with him have told him to slow down or I’m gonna wanna quit this but I guess he’s a commitment junky and maybe that’s why I don’t wanna try hard in sex.

Reply to Cass:

Honestly I agree with you.

We both have separate therapist and psychiatrist. Because there’s just so much more than sexual abuse from both of ours past.

I’ve asked him hypothetically if I want him to go to couples therapy with me would he be ok with that and he says he’d do anything for me.

So maybe that should be planned into a next step.