Growing up I suffered with depression

I tried to commit suicide in the 2nd grade.

My mom said she knows I needed love so she would spoil me with prayer, love & encouraging notes as a child.

My older brother & little sister hated me for it. They would tell my mom that she loved me more & she would admit it. My older brother wasnt raised by my mom (he lived with his dads grandma to have a better life & my little sister was a baby when my dad was killed) So it was always me & my mommy. She would often say "She (I) needs me (her)" but I know it was really her that needed my Love. Now that im married ive pushed her away. She tells me how much she misses me but I just havent been able to bring myself to call her. I was so mad at her for loving me. I mean who am I to be loved.