The truth is.. it's not hard. It's the easiest thing I've ever done.

Maybe it's the fact that it was with the right guy.. I was raped by an ex-boyfriend who tried to get me pregnant so I would stay with him. I was 16. He was very abusive. He threw my phone at me and just barely missed me, it shattered on the wall behind me. Then he broke his phone bc he was mad at me and then broke a phone I lent him bc he was mad at me. He punched me on my leg while I was laying down bc some guy I didn't even know messaged me. He grabbed me when I tried to leave his house bc he was yelling at me and left bruises on my arms. He manipulated me into ditching all my friends and family, he made it so difficult to do things with other people. He never trusted me but he was always cheating. He's forced me to have sex with him multiple times, even while I cried, he didn't stop. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. There's something mentally wrong with him, his mother even agrees. He's crazy and I was terrified of him. I was always a naive girl so I trusted him -like an idiot- and gave him all of my money to buy a plan b (I didn't know how much it costed). He stole all of my money. I got a plan b from a friend's friend, and I never paid back the girl who bought it for me. it's just $15 but I can't stomach the sight of her or the fact that I had to pay to not have a baby for my rapist. ANYWAY, when I was 18, I got pregnant for my current boyfriend and he's been nothing but supportive from the beginning.

Maybe it's the fact that I worked with kids. I've worked in preschools in each age group, and before that, I babysat little cousins for years and watched them grow up.

Maybe it's the fact that I have a house with my fiancé. My parents' house was a major source of depression for me. Not only was I raped in my own bed but I had been depressed since I was 13 and every time I stepped into that house, it seemed to get worse. I have 4 siblings and shared my room with 2 of them. I never had any sort of privacy and it drove me crazy. My family tried to make me stay and live with them. They said "you're going to need our help. You can't do it on your own, you aren't strong enough" "We want to watch you so we can know what to do when we have kids" "You're going to wish you stayed" I have not once regretted leaving. Even now, every time I visit is exhausting. But I haven't been depressed since I got pregnant, all the hormones were corrected while I was pregnant and I've never been more thankful for anything.

My son came into my life and fixed it. I was ALWAYS drunk before him. I hated living so I drank myself to the point where it doesn't hurt to live. I smoked until I couldn't feel the anger I had. I even tried ecstasy. I didn't care what happened to me. If I died, at least I would've been drunk/high which, in my mind, translated to happy. Now I don't feel like I need those things to live. Living isn't a burden anymore.

Sure there are some sleepless nights on the rare occasion, sure he couldn't latch at first so I had to use a nipple shield, sure I had to go back to college classes 6 days after giving birth bc I had him in the middle of summer semester, sure sometimes he has the rare poop explosion, sure he constantly wants comfort, sure I have mil and fil drama, sure unwanted opinions are everywhere, but this is the happiest and healthiest I have ever been.. I owe my son my life.

*Thank you for the kind comments. It's comforting getting it off my chest and having support.

Sending love and well wishes to you all and to all women who support women❤️