I don't really know where to start... this might be long or I might wrap it up pretty quickly I don't know yet, we'll see...

So I'm 32 weeks pregnant..

My partner hasn't been very interested in sexual activity since I got pregnant.. It's got less and less and its now been 9 weeks since he even touched me or let me touch him (I don't even try anymore because the rejection kills me)

We've tried talking about it and I think he's just weirded out by the fact there's a baby in there but to me I don't see why that means we can't do other things etc but I don't know.. I mean he's so sweet and caring and is always cuddling me and looking out for me and looks after my pregnant ass every day but this whole situation is making me feel totally disconnected from him and I hate it because I love him so much but I just look at him now with bitterness because of how insecure he's making me.. He knows I'm insecure because I cover up when he walks in the room if I'm naked and he'll say I'm being stupid and that it upsets him but I can't help it, I feel ugly.. If I try and talk to him about it he says i shouldn't be thinking about sex or how I look it's not important what's important is our baby and he says we'll have plenty of time for sex after she's born but honestly?.... i don't know how the fuck we're gonna get back to normal after this, he says he has no doubts that we will but I'm not sure... I am actually opting for a repeat c-section purely for the fact I don't want my vagina being meddled with/stretched/torn or anything because then I'll be ten times less likely to let him come near me because of the pain and it will make things even worse.. I know that is stupid and I'll probably get a lot of stick for it but I can't seem to get past it so c-section it is..

I'm literally lying here balling my eyes out because I've been holding these tears in all day today, I'm scared I'm never going to get my confidence back.. I need help... It's even got to the point now where watching any 'lovey-dovey' romantic telly/films makes me feel sick and angry😔 and I can't stand it when he tries to laugh and joke about sexual stuff, I feel my whole body tense up because I just don't find it funny that he can just be so chilled about it when it's literally breaking me... It's becoming all I can think about.. I'll be doing my shopping and I just burst into tears.. It's pathetic.. I'm a mess 😔

As I say we've tried talking this out a good 3 or 4 times, he knows how I feel and nothing changes I don't think it's anything to do with him not wanting to hurt the baby, I think he just simply isn't attracted to me but he'd never admit to that so I don't really know what to do..

I don't know what responses I'm expecting here, I just needed to vent and write my feelings down..