Should I let my parents spend however much they want on Xmas?

Question

My parents make decent money. My in-laws don't and spend around $20 on one gift for each grandchild. I have one daughter. My parents want to spend they SAY $100 but it always ends up being more. My dad has good intentions and just thinks 'I make money and want to spend it on my kids/grandchildren'. My mom has borderline personality disorder and definitely uses money to "win" grandkids over. My mom needs boundaries and limits because she has A LOT of mental issues. Anyway, ideally I would like my oarents to just spend $20 on each of my children because I feel that's what a normal grandparent does. But I did what i thought was compromising and said If you spend $50 on each of us that would be fine. My parents are not okay with this. I don't want my children spoiled rotten and want them to have their big Christmas with me and husband not grandparents. My dad got very upset and said my husband and I are very prideful and horrible at accepting gifts and that we're wrong in this situation. What do you guys think?

Accepted Answer

I think a gift, by definition, should be determined by the person giving it. Let them give what they want.

Answer

It's a gift. Your parents should decide however much they want to spend. It's a gift.
In general, whether people spend a lot or not, kids will like certain gifts more than other.
We spent $80 on a new kitchen my daughter will get for Christmas, and I spent $12 on a new Trolls doll. You know which one I'm anticipating her liking more? Trolls doll. 100%. She's going to basically ignore the rest of her gifts, which is why we'll have her opening Trolls last 😂
So, I don't think it'll make your kid like one grandparents more.

Answer

Honestly, my parents spend hundreds on us. When my son has kids I would happily spend thousands. I don’t know. I definitely think it’s a personal thing but 🤷‍♀️ I was spoiled and definitely pretty humble

Answer

I mean, its kinda spoiling the fun of being a grandparent in most peoples eyes.
If you are that set on not wanting them to buy a bunch of gifts, maybe try talking to them about setting up a savings account for your kids, and they can deposit a portion of what they want to spend on christmas there and get a gift or two in a lower price range.

Answer

Well, it’s a gift. But in the case of your mother especially I can understand why you want to set some rules about it. Personally, I don’t think presents really win kids over that much, I mean as bad as it sounds a lot of kids don’t really care who gives the present 😂 if it’s a good present they love the present, they couldn’t care less where it came from when they’re young. In my experience if a kid has favourite grandparents, gifts won’t determine that. My family is made up of relatives with all the money in the world and then some with not much at all, so I would get $10 from some, or maybe even just a card and no gift, while others went all out. Didn’t change how I felt about any of them, and if they’re young kids, sometimes the presents they love the most might be the cheapest 🤷‍♂️ they don’t care about the cost

Answer

The hell? No, you are absolutely allowed to set boundaries for the STUFF coming into your house. Kids do not need a million toys. They do not need expensive stuff. I don't want my house filled with toys that our kids never play with. 
If grandparents want to spend a lot of money, they can gift money for college, lessons, or experiences. But my foot is definitely coming down on toys & other stuff.

Answer

Perhaps see if they would be willing to put the extra into bond or college fund instead of "stuff"

Answer

I think on Christmas is fine to be spoiled for that day. But I would set boundaries on the amount of stuff they buy during normal months so your child doesn't think getting gifts if the usual. If that's what they do.

Answer

I’m not sure I understand. You inlaws  can afford 20. Your parents can afford more. How are the two financial situations related? Our kids have 7 sets of grandparents between them. They receive gifts at birthdays, and holidays from all of them. It’s definitely not a competition. They may get more from one than another. I’ve attempted to teach them to receive gifts graciously, and say thank you. Before birthdays and Christmas we edit and donate. I also throw anyway any junk. I don’t think the amount spent on a gift should ever matter. I’ve also dealt with biological parents attempting to “buy” love, affection, loyalty, etc. It usually falls flat when the child begins to realize. I think what’s more important is the perspective we teach to our children.

Answer

I'd put a limit on it, if that's what makes you comfortable. I'm planning on keeping my children from being spoiled on Christmas, so if my parents wanted to throw that out of balance I'd talk to them.

Should I let my parents spend however much they want on Xmas?

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