I’m right to be bothered by this, right?

Question

Please read and answer the question I’m asking. My concern is solely this: 
My son is 1 yr old, just turned a year in November. I gently flick his hand IF he’s doing or touching something dangerous and IF he doesn’t respond to redirection and me saying no, that’s not for you, etc. (normally he responds to just my voice). I don’t swat him yet, and will be very intentional not to. I believe he’s too young and it doesn’t teach him anything yet because he can’t truly connect that pain to the action that  supposedly warranted it with his short attention span. 
My husband on the other hand spanks him so hard it makes my baby cry. I’ve tried to explain that he isn’t old enough to understand why he just got smacked on the butt. Pain doesn’t teach a 1 year old anything other than fear, which is why I don’t do that. How do I get my husband to understand this?? It bothers me deeply when I see him do that and then immediately my son cries. His excuse is that he has a diaper on so he has to hit him harder. Umm, no. Not how it works. 🙄😔 
How do I address this? Should I be concerned about this and how it will change or progress as my son gets older? I’m concerned that he will start different forms of corporal punishment that I’m not comfortable with or that verge on abuse if he’s this comfortable spanking my one year old hard enough to make him cry. 
I will not spank unless time out, talking, and all other methods of discipline have failed, which honestly my son is extremely smart and I don’t think I’ll ever have to get to that point, and sure don’t want to. The last thing I’d want is to see him in pain by my hand. He’s a very sensitive little boy and if I look at him sideways, he normally gets it. 
AGAIN I DO NOT BELIEVE IN SPANKING TO CAUSE PAIN. I DON’T SPANK MY SON.

Answer

How can a parent spank their baby to the point where they cry in pain?! 😭 poor boy! If that was my husband And he didn't register what he is doing I would kick him out. Never would I let anyone spank my child , nor would I spank my child as I don't believe in it.. let alone spank them so hard that they hurt them! Your baby counts on you to protect him as he can't protect himself!

Answer

discipline out of love
punish out of anger 
next time he does it punch him in the face 
or tell him you won't allow your child to be touched that way and if he doesn't respect that boundary you feel it's your parental duty to take him out of that situation

Answer

You’ll just have to have a conversation with your husband about disciplinary techniques. It’s his son as well and he may be just as frustrated by your approach as you are with his, no matter if his is wrong.

Answer

Ok I know I’m gonna get slack for this but here it goes. Yes they can understand discipline at the age of 6months example the word no and removing them from the situation and yes even a swat on the butt, but not so hard your baby is crying. You guys also need to be on same page about disciplining as it needs to be consistent. Every child is different, if your baby is responding to the no and misdirection then stick with that as there is no need to swat the butt (gently of course) you are still inflicting some type of pain by flicking baby but obviously not hard enough to make him cry just hard enough to get his attention which is obviously important. You desperately need to talk to him about this subject before it gets worse. Different children respond to different disciplining techniques. HE SHOULD NOT BE SWATTING SO HARD HE CRIES!

Answer

My husband will give the cat "bum paddles" (his term) when he bugs him in the middle of the night. It's not soft, it's hard enough for me to hear the multiple hits. I told him that it hurts me to know he's hitting the cat like that, it really bothers me. He stopped doing it and now opts to shove the cat off the bed. Let him know how you feel.

Answer

That’s horrible. You should let him know he can get into serious trouble for that. Like serious trouble to where he won’t even be aloud to see his son. Tapping his hand is one thing but to hit him and make him cry in pain is another. He’s a baby. I don’t agree with laying hands on your kids period but He’s not even old enough for spankings.

Answer

Have a serious conversation with your husband and explain to him that you aren’t blaming him but ask him to realize that there are other ways to correct/redirect bad behavior other than hitting, which is rarely effective. Especially in a one year old. Tell him you would like to try different forms of punishment because you are uncomfortable with you both, as parents, inflicting pain on your children. Just ask in a nice, informative, and unthreatening way. If I have a defensive tone my husband shuts down or gets angry too. I have to logically and calmly explain myself, which is hard for me sometimes. Also explain your methods to him and tell him they have been working just fine. 
When my son got a little older, a couple months after he turned two, my husband would start to swat his bottom when my son got in trouble. But then when my son got angry he thought it was okay to hit other people and that’s how he reacted so we immediately shut that down. He’s almost four now. We now do time outs mostly. He has to sit in his room alone (with us checking in every 3.5 minutes or so) until he’s done being unreasonable and is ready to correct his behavior. 
I don’t know if it’s the best way but that’s what has been working thus far. It may stop working tomorrow. Who knows. 🤷‍♀️ Parenting is hard.

I’m right to be bothered by this, right?

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