My husband and I decided to start TTC last month and I was already dreaming of surprising my parents with the news. I could already picture my dad meeting his new grandchild in his yellow “birthing shirt,” as we liked to call it. He unintentionally wore the same shirt to the hospital when both of my nieces were born.

The thought that my future kids were robbed of knowing him is devastating. The thought that I’ll never hear his laugh or get a text from him with some song he wanted me to listen to is crushing me. The thought of my mom being alone for the first time in her life after being married to him for 42 years is too much to take.

He was too young at 64, but his heart was just too tired. He was always the life of the party and I will miss him every single day. This new normal sucks.