I love him but I have grudges towards him 😔

I find out I’m pregnant and I tell him he gets mad and try’s to force me to get an abortion telling me it will be over. I scheduled an appointment to get an abortion just to stop all this madness we go and I’m crying I’m messing him all this mean stuff to him telling him even tho I get an abortion me and him were over no matter what a few min later he begged me not to do it but Even tho he left to his moms house he’s helping me. We have said mean stuff to each other but I feel by him leaving me even tho he was scared I feel like he let me down. I love him and I know he does too but I’m scare to touch the subject with him because I’m tired of the drama I’m scare of he’s reaction. I’m just giving it time i don’t know ugh