Help 😢

FTM here... I had my baby boy on Saturday 16th.. after 1 day in the hospital I came home with my baby.. I'm breastfeeding him and started to express with a pump earlier as my milk had started to come in.. anyway.. since yesterday I can't get rid of the feeling of feeling scared im doing something wrong with my baby.. some midwives have told me to demand feed him and others have told me to force him every 3 hours at most.. im scared of starving him or pushing it on him too much.. then today anxiety has kicked in and I'm scared of killing my baby.. I keep spontaneously bursting out with tears and panicking something is wrong with him.. i love my baby so much but I'm still in horrid pain from giving birth and the effect of the stitches.. I'm pretty sure I have an abscess forming of some sort.. I can hardly sit down and everytime i need to move it's making me cry from the pain.. I then think it's his fault why I'm like this and it makes me want nothing to do with him.. honestly my head is all over the place.. I just don't know what I'm doing with my baby or myself and I'm petrified of him dying from any sort of problem.. I cant even sleep when he's sleeping as I'm too paranoid he'll stop breathing so I sit there watching his every move.. what do I do?? I'm scared to talk to anyone else.. I already feel like a failure 😢 please help me?! 😢