Today Baby B would have been 11 weeks. They don’t tell you how you’ll feel, how you will have good days and bad days, what’s to come or how hard it can be but it is. You’re reminded of your baby with the clothes you wore that day, with the women that walk around with their bellies or the newly born babies. You’re reminded with the announcement you made to your significant other, boyfriend, fiancé, husband, to the family, to your close friends, to the baby bump pictures you took every week.

I lost Baby B to an ectopic pregnancy exactly at 6 weeks. I remember the two weeks of bleeding, cramps and prayers to God to please let me have a healthy baby but God told us that Baby B was not ready for this world. Baby B needed to spend a little more time with Him. I wrote a letter to Baby B shortly after surgery, that when she or he is ready there is a big brother waiting, parents who will love it dearly but God is still working to make him or her the most perfect being in this world.

I worry that it will take us another 3 years, I worry that it might happen again but I am also reminded that God takes the left overs and makes great things out of leftovers. Heck, He fed thousands of people with a couple leftover breads and wine. He blesses us after a storm. So all the mommies out there, keep and have hope because without it we will lose the faith. It will get better, it’s okay to cry for no reason or to be sad just because. To the start of a new year and happy holidays. With hope, faith and love!!