I am so, so sorry for what I’ve done, and what I have let happen. I have let you down in every way possible, and there is no way I can make up for it. You were so bright, you were so happy and care free and you were worth everything you could and would have. And before I say anything else, I want to say I’m so proud of you, that you are everything I think about when I regret my decisions, and I can only hope you don’t hate me.

So many things happen when you get to high school. I’ve let myself believe I’m not worth being the first choice. I’ve caved and broken my promise to never give in to peer pressure. I let my heart get broken, so many times, and yet I still do the same thing. I’m still smart, I’m still pursuing what you love, but I’m so weak. You would be so disappointed if you met me. I’ve though about killing myself, I’ve thought about giving up on everything, and I’m still a cry baby. I want to take everything back, I want to go back to your time and see the world through rose colored glasses. I want to love everything and everyone, but most of all I want to love myself the way you did. If anything, I look up to you now. You may have always been by yourself, but you had your imagination. you had your dreams and your beautiful, beautiful mind to keep you company. I feel so alone, and that beautiful mind I used to have is so dark and full of thoughts you would never dream of having.

I won’t drag this out, but I will get sentimental because even though I’ve failed you now, I’m trying to fix it. Honey I love you so, so much, and because of that I want to be someone you’re proud of. I want to be that world famous scientist. I want to be the greatest volleyball player the US has ever seen, and I want to be the best person I can be. Even though there is nothing I can do to make up for what I’ve done, I will continue on knowing I’m doing everything for the you that dreamed of me. Please, don’t let anyone ever take your light away, because once it darkens it takes so long to get it back. Don’t let anyone silence your thoughts, or change your self image. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re worth less than the world, and don’t let anyone take away the things you love. As long as I’m aware, I’ll do everything I can to bring back the me I was, because I never want to write you like this again. I want you to dream of me as you see me, through those rose colored glasses with that beautiful mind and blinding smile, uncovering mysteries and serving killer spikes against national teams. Darling I love you so much, please never forget that.

Sincerely,

the 15, going on 16, year old you.

Dear husband,

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