I am currently 5w5d pregnant after a mc and d&c; in September and a chemical pregnancy in November. I am scared, excited, scared to be excited, overwhelmed and consciously lying to myself thinking it will prevent heartbreak if i miscarry again. Some lies i have actually said out loud:

1. I dont even want another baby.

2. I doubt I will even make it to my 1st OB appt

3. I’m not telling anyone because i will just have to “untell” them in a week anyway.

4. Don’t bother looking at maternity clothes because you won’t need them

It is a lonely place to be. My husband is thrilled yet has no idea how it feels to worry every second that you may or may not actually be having a child. Anything can happen. I envy his oblivion.