When does it get better?

Question

Writing anonymously because I'm ashamed to feel this way. I need advice, reassurance, anything. 
I am having an almost impossibly difficult time with my 7-week-old son. He won't ever sleep longer than 2 hours at a stretch. He is grumpy and fussy all day (which makes sense, because he's exhausted). He absolutely will not let me put him down - he cries hysterically when he's not being held. 
I'm sleep-deprived beyond the healthy limit. I'm frustrated. I'm fighting with my husband almost daily. Sex is completely out of the question because of fatigue (and because there's a baby attached to me at all hours), so we're distant. I'm lonely because I can't see my friends, because no one wants to hang out with a screaming baby. I can't find time to eat or shower (much less do hobbies I enjoy) whenever my husband's at work because the baby just screams when I put him down. I'm terrified to go back to work in a couple of weeks. I love my son very much. But I feel like I'm at the breaking point. 
Is this normal for a 7-week-old? Is it just expected of infancy and his temperament? If so, when does it get better? I feel like I'm not enjoying this time with my son, which breaks my heart for me and for him. 
(This is not depression. I've been through depression before. This is fatigue and frustration and feeling completely overwhelmed.)

Answer

The first couple months are AWFUL! No one will tell you because, "Oh, babies are sooo cute". I actually broke down in the middle of the grocery store when a friend asked how I was doing. It get SOOOOO much better. I was the same exact way. I COULD NOT put my baby down. Like I was absolutely certain I'd be carrying my baby for the next 3 years and he would miss all his milestones because I couldn't put him down. You are so close to getting through the hardest part!!!! I cried almost daily the first 12 weeks. And then it slowly got better, day by day, it got easier. Being a new mom is super isolating. I went out to coffee with my best friend (who already had 3 kids) when mine was 4 months old. That was my first day out. I was so nervous but it went so well! My guy turned 6 months old on Friday and all he wants to do is be exploring in his walker or crawling around (he started crawling at 5 months, so I didn't need to worry about the milestone thing at all!). The sleep gets better, but slowly. It gets, better, then worse, then better, etc. He usually will do a 4-5 hour stretch, then 3, then 2 then up for the day. Sometimes he'll go as long as 7 hours! All this to say it does get better! All of this is normal! Look up the 4th trimester. Lots of good info! Hang in there Momma! I wish I  could go back and do the first few months over, knowing that it really does get better and everything is so normal and goes by so quickly! You can do this!

Answer

oh those first few months, gosh that was the hardest. no sleep, no decent meal, no shower, not getting out of the house, ugh. things do start to get better between 8 to 10 wks. if you can download the wonder weeks app on your phone, best 99cents of my life. it tells you all about your babies development so you can understand why your baby is acting certain ways and you dont have to guess. it also gives tips for things to try and help your baby feel better. the swing was my savior, if you dont have one get one! she still uses it and shes 6 mo. without it i may never have had even 10 min of quiet. often times its the only place she would sleep.

Answer

They’re just really clingy at first. Baby wearing can help but it’s hard to get things done even then. We found a good swing with vibrating and rocking really was very comforting to our son, and the strong incline helped him with reflux. Always carry for 15 minutes before putting them down after feeding, so digestion can begin and you’re less likely to get a relux-y angry baby. I would feed, burp, bounce, carry, burp again, then put him in the swing and he would stare at his mobile until he passed out. If I ever attempted to just feed-burp-put down... oh all hell broke loose.

Answer

sounds a little like colic and I would talk to his doctor he might have reflux which is super painful and uncomfortable for him and you holding him is his only comfort. I'm sorry you are going through this but know you are definitely not alone I barely remember the first 3 months because I hardly slept. he is also probably hitting a growth spurt so he's extra fussy and hungry. but here's the good thing it does get better I promise. because one day he's gonna smile and laugh at you, he will roll over and try and grab your face. he will melt in your arms and fall deeply asleep with a smile on his face. it is such a hard road to being a new mommy especially without help. get a baby carrier, a wrap you can wear so you can both give him love and get stuff done. shower when you can, eat often, drink lots of water and know longer sleep will come. try swaddling him when sleeping it might help him feel safe when you lay him down. talk to your husband let him know how you feel and your struggles. you're both getting into your roles as new parents so talking is good. hang in there momma it does get better, easier not really but definitely better. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Answer

I still remember the first 8 weeks with my daughter being the hardest, most exhausting, frustrating time... I can’t say exactly what changed but somewhere between 8-10 weeks things just started to get better. We found our groove a bit more. I hope the same happens for you. Have you tried baby wearing? It will let you keep him close and give you your arms back at the very least. Good luck x

Answer

I haven’t read the other replies but I want to say it gets better!
Have you tried swaddling? Actually look up the 5 Ss from happiest baby on the block.
Take it one day at a time. Sleep whenever you can. Everything else can wait. Talk to your husband, even if he works, he needs to help with the baby or the house for the sake of your sanity.

Answer

Week ten has finally been a turning Point for our daughter. Weeks 6-9 were the hardest most isolating weeks. She would let me put her down or hand her off to her dad. She screamed for hours every single night and wouldn’t sleep longer than 2-3 hours. Now, she’s smiling and finally sleeping around 4 hours a night. Stay strong, once the babe starts smiling because you’re in the room, it makes everything easier.

Answer

I remember those weeks being the hardest too. I literally rocked my son all day and night long, he wouldn’t go to sleep and stay asleep at night. My husband stays up later than me so I would bring my son down to him like every night and he would rock him until he went to sleep. My son would nap for 20-30 mins at a time. I know everyone will say this, but it does get better. Once you can get them on a schedule it’s much bearable. Unfortunately it took us until about 3 months... hang in there. Ask for help if you have any one close by.

Answer

Sounds like colic, I'm so sorry! These gas drops saved my life!!! Give baby some after each feeding! The doc told me to give baby zantac, but I didn't feel comfortable with that. Maybe call a nurse line too to get some support?

Does baby take a binky?

Answer

Unfortunately yes, it's normal for newborns to only sleep a couple of hours at a time and to want to be held all the time. Those first few months are HARD, I know. Have you read about the fourth trimester at all? It might make you feel a bit better. I know how tired you are, all new moms go through it. You feel like you'll go crazy before you sleep again. But I promise this too shall pass and one day (sooner than you think) baby will start sleeping longer stretches and you'll feel human again. I know if doesn't help a lot, but I really feel like those first couple months are just something you have to "get through." Can your husband not get up with the baby a few times a week so you can get some rest? Do you have any friends or family who could pop by for a few hours so you can shower and nap?

When does it get better?

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