Disclaimer: Not too sure on the rules surrounding obscene language but when reading the rules I didn’t find anything in particular prohibiting it. However more than happy to censor this if need be.

Fuck this journey.

Fuck waiting and waiting and waiting and never getting the one thing you want most in the world. Fuck the people that do get it and then treat it like a burden. Fuck hearing “just relax” or “just stop trying”. We fucking did. For a long time. I need to track, I need medical intervention. So fuck off.

Fuck the needles and pills and thermometers and doctor trips and bruises and pineapple and pomegranate juice and socks. Fuck the negative tests that rip your soul out of your body and crush your hopes. Fuck the two week wait. Fuck checking your cervical position and mucous.

Fuck the jealousy and anger. Fuck the rage that builds when I see a pregnant lady smoking. Maybe she was a heavy smoker beforehand and it would have been dangerous for her to stop and I’m seeing the single cigarette a day that she’s managed to cut down to.

Fuck the bitter side of me that comes out.

Fuck the time that I was told a lady would trade her children in for a pack of chewing gum if she could, all because they were getting restless while sitting there watching her workout because she doesn’t trust them in the children’s area.

Fuck all of this pain and longing. Fuck every loss that tears you to shreds and leaves you there broken.

Fuck that constant hum of doubts. Fuck the moments that I lay in bed destroyed because of all the ifs and buts and maybes. Fuck the voice in my head that constantly reminds me that I may never hear a small voice call me mummy.

But most of all, fuck giving up ❤️😪