Torturing myself....

Hello all...long story short, I have a wonderful BF. I am 41, he is 45 and we have been TTC for about 3 months now. Got off Mirena end of August and periods are just trying to regulate. Well he would be besides himself if I became pregnant but the pressure to conceive is already getting to me. Every month his heart breaks when my AF comes and we are just beginning!!!! Do I want to keep torturing myself? I would love to have another baby. We have kids already, but not together. Mine are 21,18, and 13. His are 26,25. He hopes I’m pregnant now :) Any comments would be helpful. Thanks.