Sad post because I have no one else to talk to

I ovulate today/tomorrow. I don’t even feel like trying. I feel hopeless and discouraged and don’t want to face more disappointment. I feel unloved. I hate myself for being so sad and angry lately. I just want to cry and sleep. I lost my faith months ago, and I go to church and I feel like a fake. I feel so unworthy of love so I push it away. My wedding is in less than six months and I don’t even want to think about it. I love my fiancé but I also can’t stand him. We argue constantly and I feel so blamed every time we fight.

I’m so lost. My depression medicine isn’t helping and hasn’t for the past 13 years. I’ve been on so many different ones but I always feel the same. I don’t know what to do anymore. My therapist doesn’t know how to help me either, it seems. I’ve seen so many counselors and etc. I’m a lost cause.

When will it be okay to say “maybe life just isn’t for everyone?”