I am a rainbow baby

Prior to my moms successful pregnancy (me) my mom suffered the loss of 5 babies. 4 via miscarriage and 1 via tubal pregnancy. After every loss my mom was devastated, she longed so badly for a baby. After her tubal pregnancy where she lost her left tube and ovary along with baby (she didn’t know she was pregnant before the emergency surgery) she was told it would be very unlikely she’d get pregnant. My mom got a little depressed. Year to the day my mom found out she was having me. I am now 21 years old and my husband and I are trying for our rainbow baby. Growing up I was never able to appreciate my moms story till I lost a baby of my own. I was a junior in high school (my rebellious phase). I was 15 weeks when my boyfriend (at the time) and I lost our baby. I knew I was not ready to be a mom in high school but I was tore a part for months I asked myself what I did wrong. My mom was the only person to stand by me, comforting me and telling me “honey it’s not you, sometimes these things just happen and we don’t know why” I felt betrayed by my body. On top of that it came to my attention my boyfriend was cheating on me and our relationship came to an end. After this I knew I wanted to be a Mom ONE DAY. My senior of high school is when I met my husband, I was doing so much better. We were just friends and I was able to openly talk about my loss with him. He didn’t judge me or make me feel uncomfortable. Probably a Monty before we got married we both decided let’s just stop trying to not have a baby and see what happens. So months went by and nothing. I decided I’d start tracking ovulation and see where that got me. Months go by and still nothing. I was starting to feel betrayed by my body all over again. How come I can’t do the one thing I was made for. My husband being the man he is sat me down and said let’s forget about the charts and the ovulation tests let’s just enjoy trying and not worrying. He asked me not to keep a stock of pregnancy tests on hand because I was addictively testing. And each negative brought tears. So after 6 months of doing what my husband said here I am laying in bed not being able to sleep because my period is late and I’m excited to test with first morning pee. I am praying we ring in the New Years with a blessing, even if we have to wait a couple days for a strong positive test.

UPDATE::

I am still with no positive home test ☹️

I’ll be waiting a little bit longer and and seeing what happens

I will actually be going to the doctor soon anyways there is a mass in my breast that needs to be looked at