I don't even know where to start.. This was my FIRST pregnancy. I'll be 22 in 7 days, Jan 8th.. I had some cramping the night of Dec 30th.. felt like I had to use the bathroom, my SO told me to go try, I had bad gas, & was too constipated, but went a tad bit. I took a hot bath to ease the cramps & crawled back in bed with him. He could tell I was in some pain & asked if I needed to go to the ER, I declined knowing I would be fine, I just had lotssssssss of gas & needed something to help me go to the bathroom. They were like strong diarrhea cramps, hurts but tolerable. I fell asleep. He had to get up, take his mom to work, & went to the gym. I woke up nauseous & my stomach was bloated & felt like a HUGE gas bubble was under there. I looked for something to help. I was going to drink Miralax, but knew with me being nauseous, I needed to wait until I could stomach it. Being pregnant, I have had a TON of white discharge. I felt super wet & felt to check & blood.... I ran to the bathroom in a panic hoping it was from my butt or something.. sit down, felt something huge come out. I looked & it was a huge red blood clot, I call my SO's sister in there, she calls him, he didn't answer me, we had to call a few times.. he rushes home, he gives me a bath, his mom comes over & scoops it out of the toilet.. we head for the ER

Upon arriving the ER, I was bleeding so badly, I bled threw my pants, he tied his hoodie around my waist. They sit me in a wheelchair, I'm bleeding everywhere. They gave me those huge pad cloths to sit on, I started puking.. I get a room, I'm bleeding through HUGE pads (in my panties & the cloths you lay on) left & right. I'm passing huge blood clots, which they say has NO tissue in it. They give me an ultrasound, I'm 10 weeks 3 days, the baby's heartbeat is 183 & he is moving up a storm, throwing his arms everywhere.. it was a sign of relief. They said he was a tad low, but it still could go either way & being low isn't too too bad, bc they see it a lot & the pregnancy goes fine! We are relieved & trying to be as positive as we can be. They give me morphine & start me on IV liquids & move me to the women's center. The morphine they gave me isn't working, the cramps are unbearable. They say I'm more than likely having contractions. I'm still bleeding. After these contractions are to the point I can barely tolerate them anymore, they got longer & closer together in time, she had me push.. I've never seen so many blood clots in my life!!! Still, no tissue. the cramping subsides & along with morphine, she has been giving me "the twilight drug". which helped a tad, I was finally able to get some rest! I wake up, my SO right next to me & I have to pee. I've been peeing in a bed pan, but I didn't want to wake him up so I attempted to get up, & nope.. blood went all down my legs, hitting the floor as soon as I stood up. Which I should've known bc I had been bleeding on myself, I didn't even have panties on anymore, I was just laying on a bunch of pads. It was just more comfortable & easier for them all to clean me up. I lay back down & call the nurse. She brings me a bed pan, he gets up, I am peeing & feel the urge to push. Out came the baby, still in the sac & everything else that comes with it.. I lost it... she cleaned me up & went to examine everything. She comes back saying the baby is still in the sac & it is very rare for everything to be in contact like that & asked if I'd like to see him before she sent him to pathology. I said yes, my SO refused to see him, he was really hurt & he just couldn't do it. . I couldn't deny seeing our baby. He was so little & it was so crazy seeing him in there. I could see his face, his little bitty ears, his skinny little arms & legs & his fingers & toes. His skin of course was see thru, so you could see his little veins... they finally took him, but I am so glad I could see him.. I am so hurt, asking what is wrong with me, they assured me nothing & that 1 in 4 women have miscarriages... it's just not fair. I had to come home on New years day without my baby... the words pregnancy, babies, just the thought of everything, fucking kills me... I don't understand why this happened.. I feel so lost & I hate everything in the world... I just want to shut everyone but my SO out. I never knew this would happen... we were SO happy, so in love with our baby already, hoping for a boy as he has a 5 yr old girl from a previous relationship. I just don't know how I'll ever get over this 😭💔