sex after rape

I'm very timid in the bedroom. I want to spice things up and everything in me yells "do it!" but when I try to "do it!" it's like I'm paralyzed. I've been sexually assaulted by men well over 1000 times in my 25 years. I feel I'm kinky or even freaky I just can't do anything physically when it comes time to do it. Any suggestions or thoughts would be great. Someone who has overcome this would be even better but I understand if no one wants to share their experience it is a bit personal.