So...My bf and I have been together for a little over 1.5 years. We have an apartment together with 2 dogs. I love him to death and I want to marry him.

Today, I’m having some trouble. We woke up and my sister had texted me. She and my brother were at our front door without any heads up. Now I don’t mind, but my bf was complaining and he hid in our bedroom while they were here because he’s embarrassed about how messy our apartment is. The holidays have been crazy and there were tons of boxes from gifts everywhere. I let them in because I love them and wanted to see them.

They saw the apartment and my sister asked me what I was going to do about it. I know it needs done, it’s just so daunting to think about and with little to no help from my bf I keep avoiding it. So my siblings offered to help tidy it up and we tackled it together.

While they were here my bf kept texting and asking if they were leaving soon, I told him they were helping clean up, which he responded with, “I didn’t ask them to help”. I didn’t ask them to help either, they just offered because they saw how stressed I was. He got mad and said they shouldn’t have showed up unannounced. I agree showing up unannounced wasn’t the best idea but I just went with it, not like I was going to turn them away.

They end up leaving a little over an hour afterwards. My bf finally comes out of hiding and is saying that they screwed up his work schedule (he works from home), but his hours are crazy, right now he works at night and sleeps during the day. I don’t currently have a job as I was let go back in October and my bf had asked me to put off getting a job in order to spend the holidays with him, so I agreed.

Well I was a upset because my bf helps make the apartment a mess but it’s my siblings and I who cleaned it up. He tells me that’s because he has a job to do. He’s told me multiple times he’s going to take the trash out and he hasn’t. My siblings ended up doing it and they don’t even live here!! He says I’m an ungrateful bitch and threw in my face that I’m unemployed so I shouldn’t have a problem taking care of the house. Mind you, I don’t have a problem taking care of the house, but I’m not the only one contributing to the mess. All he does is sleep and work and leaves his dishes and garbage out for me to pick up. According to him, working and bringing in the income is all he should be expected to do, but I disagree.

Now I’ve told him I don’t expect him to stop working to do the dishes or anything, I can do the dishes but all I ask is he brings his dishes into the kitchen and throws away his trash so it doesn’t pile up, but he has yet to do so. I’m just at my wits end with all of this. Especially because once I do get a job again I know I’ll be expected to come home and still take care of the house, on top of having a job. I won’t be able to claim that working is enough and not take care of the apartment.

I’m not sure where to go from here. He made my siblings feel unwelcome and basically told me that he’s only expected to work. Is there any advice you ladies can offer?? I’ve tried communicating with him and setting expectations, like he takes care of trash and picking up after the dogs and helps me out when he can and then I do everything else, but it doesn’t seem to be working. I just want an equal partnership. One where we both have jobs and contribute financially and where we both take care of the apartment because we both contribute to the mess.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks!!