Were trying for a double rainbow. Im 8 dpo but 6 days away from my period. Last time i tested at 9dpo I got a positive (ended in a cp that ended at17 dpo in November). That was the first time I had tested early and if i hadnt we wouldnt have known i was pregnant and wouldnt be able to report the loss to my Dr. My doctor happens to be an amazing woman who sees how hard i am trying so she has already started testing for causes for multiple miscarriages hopefully saving me from the pain of a third one. But here i am, we didnt try for the cycle between november and december, but my partner became an angel this cycle and and started watching videos about egg and sperm quality as well as pregnancy videos and has been on top of baby dancing. I dont feel like we are going to get a positive this month, and that hurts. I just hope I am wrong. My due date for my first pregnancy was at the end of this month. It hurts knowing that, and it hurts seeing countless other girls who found out around that time having their babies. Its one of the hardest things about ttc, seeing everyone else get their dreams. Im sad that i wont announce my pregnancy right away like a lot of other girls. My SO doesnt want to tell anyone, not even parents, until we are out of the first trimester. It kinda stings that no one knows that Ive felt pregnancy twice with nothing to show for it. I do agree with him though. My mom found out the first time around and she told a lot of people, I had to deal with random encounters with people who knew i had gotten pregnant but didnt know I had lost it. My mom had good intentions and was just excited because we thought I couldnt get pregnant. It still hurt though. This post has turned into a long one, but i didnt know what I was going to say coming into this. I just want a positive so bad. I know that like my last pregnancy I will spend every day in the first trimester questioning if it will be my last. But i will swell at every tiny sensation of pregnancy. I cried happy tears when i started to experience morning sickness, rubbed my the pain in my back with a smile and slept better than i have in my whole life when i was pregnant. I just want it back. And more importantly, I want to hold a healthy baby at the end. I want to feel what i have imagined and felt in my dreams, i want to see my SO looking at our baby the way he looks at other babies. The way he talks about kids and babies makes my heart swell. Im so ready. Fingers crossed.