I feel like hardly anyone sees me. I’ve felt that way since I was in 3rd grade. I really only have one friend and it gets pretty lonely. I always feel alone in a crowded room. I’m shy and it’s so hard to break out of that box due to anxiety. I used to try really hard to make friends in 5th - 7th grade but I slowly gave up. In 8th grade I didn’t try at all and I felt better but still really lonely. But then a guy I had liked for 5 years broke my heart by flirting with a lot of girls. We used to be good friends but we got too nervous but I still really liked him. So then I felt invisible to him and he was the only guy I liked. I wasn’t popular but he was the most popular guy in my class which made it hard. He always seemed to care about me and would ask if I was ok if he could tell something was wrong and he never did that to anyone else. But then I found out he was switching schools, so I decided to homeschool because I had no reason to stay at a perfect, happy, private school I didn’t belong in. I had been in severe depression since January of last year but it got worse in the summer due to him leaving. I started cutting to make myself feel something and to let go of everything. I also got bad suicidal thoughts a lot. A lot of times I’d open the Bible and the random verse would deal exactly with what I was struggling with. Such as “do not harm your body”. I haven’t self harmed in two months or had suicidal thoughts since then. Although I still have to fight the urge to cut occasionally. The turning point that stopped my suicidal thoughts was when my mom’s friend’s daughter took her own life. I realized the grief I’d cause people if I were to do it too. From then on, I haven’t had suicidal thoughts because of God’s healing. But this week I’ve had a lot of anxiety and loneliness. I’m worried my depression is gonna become sever again. I’m 15 now. I know God will get me through this but my anxiety and depression don’t agree.