I started my TTC journey last January. Today marks one year of trying. I was so excited in the beginning. I bought tons of books on pregnancy and motherhood. I went to the doctor, they told me I was perfectly healthy. I have regular periods, I don’t smoke or drink, I ovulate on day 12 of my cycle every single cycle WITHOUT FAIL, and me and my doctor were getting all excited at the idea of me having multiples. All the women on my mother’s side have fraternal twins and my doctor said it’s super likely I would too. You can only image the excitement on my face. I was thrilled to be adding on to our family. It was time for me and my husband to get our grove on🤗

Well, 12 months and 12 nights of being curled up in a ball crying to my husband. NO BABY. I have a doctor’s appointment on Wednesday to see what the next step is for us. I have tried everything in the book. Different positions, preseed, multivitamins of him and her, BDing right before ovulation and right after, my husband quit smoking, I even have been dieting and losing the little bit of stomach fat that I had(I convinced myself that I was over weight and that’s why it wasn’t happening). I’m honestly hurt. I am terrified to walk into that doctor’s office and find out that it is my fault that me and my husband can’t have what we’ve dreamed of.

My grandma said something the other day about me having twins and I cried. I would be happy with just one. All out of friends are on baby #2. They ask my husband and I when we are having kids and tell me how hard motherhood is. They don’t know that I would for lack of sleep because the baby is crying and to be spit up on. People tell me things to try and deter me from parenthood, but being a mom would mean so much to me. All I can think is that there is something wrong with me and that I won’t know the joy or the hardships of parenthood