I’m 23 years old. My whole life I’ve made a promise that I wouldn’t have sex until I was ready or until I got married. Before I tell you what happened I have to tell you the backstory.

I’ve been sexually assaulted (there was no penetration) four times in my life. All by guys who didn’t understand NO and STOP.

At the age of 16, a junior in high school, I met this guy. I was just sitting in class with my composition notebook, which I kept all my poems and short stories and even book ideas in. He stopped in his tracks as if he’d never seen me before (which he hadn’t; but you know what I mean). He looked at me with an adoring smile and asked pointing at my book, “What you got in there?” I, at the time was not into new people asking me a bunch of questions lol was about to answer him with an attitude but I couldn’t. Not with the way he smiled at me. I answered, “Poetry.” He said, “You might be my wife!” And walked away. He never said anything else to me. He didn’t even know my name but he was convinced that I was his wife.

We never dated but kept in touch through ONE mutual friend and have known each other for 6 or 7 years. We finally started dating in August 2017. Not too long after I was assaulted by another guy that went to high school with us coincidentally he hates him.

Now, we’ve always known that we’re

In love we just never did anything about it so please don’t count the short time as too short we’ve known each other for much longer.

No one has ever loved me quite like him. He was patient with me. And never forces me into anything and even though the moment was getting hot and heavy he still asked before doing anything. And made sure that I was comfortable.

The first time wasn’t painful it was just uncomfortable. The second time was when I freaked out and had a flashback and cried and that’s when I had to tell him about everything. Including me being assaulted by the very person he doesn’t like and how it happened to be. He wasn’t mad at me, he wrapped me in the warmest blanket, held me and wiped my tears while I told him everything. And then he said to me... “I’ve loved you since I first saw you. I care about you that’s why I couldn’t date you back then. I had to wait until now. I promised myself I’d never hurt you. I can’t. But I’m glad you told me because I know that was hard for you. I’m not mad at you; what happened to you wasn’t your fault. Regardless, because of him I can’t love you like I want to or know how. I can’t even make love to you because he scared you so much it’s not supposed to be like that. But I’m not going to stop loving you and I’ll love you back to life if I have to.”

The third time was the absolute best time. It was days later. We didn’t plan it. The sun was rising (it was THAT early in the morning). Don’t get me wrong, the first time wasn’t THAT bad because I’ve never gotten oral before and it was amazing but beside that, the third time was the best. Because I let him love me and we made love together.

Apparently he came seven times which he told me has never happened before. (Obvi as someone who’s unfamiliar with sex I didn’t get the significance I just loved him the way he was loving me). He makes me feel like I’m the only woman in the world that he sees and although usually in my life I don’t trust men. I’ve always trusted him.

My whole point in posting this is to let y’all know, I’ve never allowed myself to be loved out of fear of being hurt all over again but I let it go because I don’t want to punish him for what I’ve been through and he’s too good a man for that. He takes care of me and always puts me first. I just love being loved y’all that’s all.