I love my husband BUT idk if I can do this anymore..... struggling to conceive tears us apart

My husband and I have been trying for 3+ years. He REFUSES!!!!!!!! to go to a Urologist to get his sperm checked because he doesn’t know if he can go on knowing he can’t have kids. I try to tell him that the results may come back that he can and then there is hope we can become parents. My best friend just had her 4th baby, and she is almost 2 years younger than me, I am 27. I love her newborn daughter, I didn’t want to put her down! But the MOMENT I closed the door to my car I cried, and boy did I ugly cry.... it breaks my heart that I cannot conceive, and we are trying. People know tell me “oh, it was an accident,” and “I didn’t want to get pregnant,” etc. It breaks me down. I try to be happy for those who get to experience the joy of motherhood, something I want so badly. Some people get ABORTIONS and then get pregnant again, and keep it. That really kills me...

A little background, my husband is 30 (31 in May), and he feels a sense of “I should already have kids,” since all of his friends and family have kids... they started young, some at 14, others at 18+. He got a motorcycle in July 2016 and he PROMISED he would go get checked and freeze sperm because, as we all know, motorcycles are “organ donors.” He never went....

I track my period every month, watch for symptoms for ovulation and any unusual symptoms. I am supposed to start my period today, which I usually cramp 5-7 days beforehand, but NOTHING... I know not to get excited because I’m 99.9% I’m not pregnant, and it still disappoints me, every time I see that negative. This will be the 41st month that I haven’t gotten a positive. It stings....

My question to you ladies: How do I stay positive and happy with my husband when he purposely avoids going to get checked, even though he sees how devastated I am every month. I beat myself up, and then he will say that he is going to go but really he has no intentions to do so.

I just want the piece of mind as to whether it’s me, him, or neither. I want to know, since I’ll be 28 in May, if I even have a chance to be a mom.

Thanks for reading. Please help!