When I was 18 I was diagnosed by my GYN with PCOS. Never in my life, with the exception of being on BC pills, have I ever had a regular monthly period. So the cysts on my ovaries and lack of periods are my only basis for the diagnosis. I’ve also seen 2 other GYNs who came to the same conclusion.

Now, when I was 19 I somehow miraculously got pregnant on my own with my boyfriend at the time. When I think about it and read about the odds of conceiving naturally with PCOS, I have no idea how my son is here. But he is and I’m thankful for him even though his father and I are no longer in a romantic relationship.

A few weeks before my son was born, my mother (and my only then living parent) passed away from a long and stressful battle with ovarian cancer. She was diagnosed at stage 4 when she was 45, but her symptoms began at least 3-4 years prior to her diagnosis. She got tested and came back positive for BRCA 1 mutation. From what I know, almost all the women in her bloodline had passed away at a young age from this disease, so she urged me to get tested as well. I did, and I am also BRCA 1 positive.

I am now almost 24, with a new boyfriend of 2 years now, and my son is about to be 4. I’m at the point now where I want to try and have another baby but he doesn’t. He says he doesn’t care and he’s ready if it happens, but he doesn’t want to fully commit to TTC. We only use the pull out method, but he’s one of those guys who deserves a gold fucking medal for his perfect technique. He gets out every time at least 5-10 seconds before he’s done. And with my body not ovulating regularly (I’m going on 3 months with no AF), the chance of “accidentally” getting pregnant are virtually non-existent.

Even though I wasn’t trying to get pregnant with my son, my boyfriend at the time did finish inside me sometimes, and that was apparently enough even though it was rare.

I guess I’m just posting this as more of a venting rant than seeking advice. Truth is that I’m ridiculously depressed about all of this and I don’t know what to do. Because of my family history of ovarian cancer, my GYN and a genetic counselor have urged me to get surgery to remove my ovaries by 30-32 or as soon as I’m done having kids. So, with the quick approach of my 24th birthday, and my doctor reminding me of my impending fate, I just feel like there’s a ticking clock for everything and it kills me that my boyfriend, even though he says he loves me and wants me to be his life partner, does not understand my sense of urgency nor does he seem to care at all about my feelings because “we’re young”. I KNOW that I got lucky with my son, but I have a feeling that I won’t be as lucky for a second, or even a third one (ideally I want 3 children). Also, risk of miscarriage is high for PCOS, and developing preeclampsia (which I did with my first). So many factors and he just doesn’t care. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Should I just be thankful that I have my son and if a second one never happens then oh well? I feel so alone and resentful towards him because of this, and I know that that’s not healthy. I just don’t know what to do besides pretend that it doesn’t hurt my feelings because we’re both tired of having the same fight over and over again and he doesn’t want to compromise.