Settle for vanilla ?

Question

Hi! So I’ll get to the point.... my SO isn’t interested in anything to do with sex. We’re in our 30’s. We’ve been together for almost 6 years. Obviously, in the beginning we had lots of sex. (Pretty vanilla, I exposed him to a few things I didn’t know he had never done before until after the fact) That’s what new couples do! We’ve since had 2 kids. We have a pretty busy life in regards to Work, but otherwise were homebodies. I have the highest sex Drive ever! All day, every day, if I could. I’ve always been that way. Other than when we had newborns... but when I was pregnant I wanted it and even soon after giving birth lol! Kids add stress to our relationship and finances do too, but I think that’s ‘normal’ people stress. (In my opinion) haha! 
I’m very open sexually. I Have toys, that he’s never really shown interest in to incorporating into sex. I’ve tried lingerie, and being spontaneous ( meeting him on the front porch wearing his housecoat wide open when he got home from Work. It was 11pm. Neighbours lights were out lol) Tried in the kitchen and on the couch while watching tv. I’ve asked him about fantasies he has, he said he has none ?! I asked him what kind of porn he watches... he said none... (smart man, lol) I rephrased and asked what porn he has watched in the past and he was like... “ big boobs and big ass” wtf. I cannot fulfil that unless I can find $20,000 to get that work done 😂
When we do have sex, it’s good. I can’t really complain. I don’t mind vanilla... I just am desperate to have mind blowing, shameful, ‘fucking’ sessions. I’ve told him that. 
I don’t think he’s depressed, cheating or gay. I’ve considered maybe shy... he told me his past sexual history has always been pretty vanilla. I’ve also given him directions on how to use things like plugs, beads, etc. 
he said bondage scares him 😂
I’ve exhausted everything I can think of.. my google search history can prove that lol!
I think I’ve covered most facts in my post. 
I’m at a loss here🤷🏼‍♀️
Do I just ‘settle’ for vanilla or does Anyone else have suggestions/ opinions ?!?!

Answer

My ex husband was pretty vanilla as well. I am not. I begged him and talked and did everything I could and it never changed. 
It actually took a toll on the relationship because I was so unhappy in the bedroom and had a hard time accepting that he was just so unwilling to step out of his comfort zone for me, even to just experiment. I understand not liking something but to not even try to know if you actually do or not is what bothered me. It got to the point where I didn’t even want him to touch me. I am a very sexual person and I had a hard time living with the fact that my sex life would never be anything close to what I needed it to be. 
With that being said, I did everything for him. I was basically his mother. If he voiced a need, I met it plus some. 
We were together for 8 years and I loved him more than I could explain. 
Unfortunately because of his lack of willingness (among a lot of other issues not related to sex), we divorced. 
My boyfriend now is younger than me by a few years which is nice because his stamina is awesome and his needs compliment mine and sexually we connect and we have an awesome relationship as well. We are expecting a baby in March which has also brought us closer. 
The point of my rant is lol sex IS an important part of a relationship and when your needs aren’t being met or even attempted, it is taxing. I hope that your SO becomes a little more open minded because I know how that feels.

Answer

my husband's vanilla I'd say I'm a little less vanilla but not into anything extra crazy. i encourage but usually settle but I don't mind. if I were you I'd just keep trying small things here and there repeat a few see if he prefers anything that you guys have tried etc.

Answer

Anal?

Answer

Some guys are just vanilla guys there's nothing wrong with them that's just what they're into. I've asked my husband what his fantasies were and he said he doesn't have any so I understand your frustration. I've wanted to try role play but he was absolutely not into that lol he did show interest in tying me up maybe try something like that or maybe blind folding each other.

Answer

He could have low testosterone that is causing the low sex drive. You could get that tested for? 🤷🏼‍♀️ I feel like you’ve tried most things that most women would consider doing 🤔

Settle for vanilla ?

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