Fertility specialist 😭😩


Dear lovely babes,

The time has come. We've been referred to a fertility specialist. We have tried for 1.5 years naturally, thinking let's not stress and just enjoy being married. We humped like rabbits and it was fun.

But it resulted in nothing.

6 months I have been charting everything I could. I've tracked my temp, my cm, used opks, moontime tea, took fish oil, vitamin d, prénatals. Used preseed, had sex everyday then every other day. Ive drank raspberry leaf tea, took vitex and maca root. God I even did castor oil compresses.

I don't know what to do anymore and I'm just so tired. I'm physically and mentally exhausted. I've given up smoking, weed, drinking, caffeine. I've eaten only fertility friendly food and developed a hate for salads and green smoothies.

This month god I thought it was it. I was cramping my whole cycle, mild and dull. Spotted at the right time, my temps supporting ovulation and implantation, took a zillion tests but it just resulted in tears. So many tears that I'm just numb from it now. I feel like my heart broke a little every time that test came back negative. Every time a bit of my heart chipped away from the pain of only seeing one line and now it's turned unfeeling. I have no tears left. My body has been left dehydrated by the waterfalls erupting from my eyes every month.

I have one last push in me. The fertility doctor. We were referred today after a total breakdown at my doctors office. And finally my husband has agreed to get his sperm checked. Thank god we have double private insurance and live in Canada because I feel for anyone and everyone who has to deal with this on their own without financial support.

Is there anything I should know before I go see a fertility specialist? Anything I should ask? Something I wouldn't know? Something that you wish someone would have told you?

I'm so terrified I'm going to go in and they will tell me my uterus is old and decrepit and worst of all, no eggs and my ovaries are useless.

I have no one to vent to, my family doesn't know our fertility issues, and I rather keep it that way. You loves are all I have and have been wonderfully supportive and kind answering all the questions and concerns I've ever had.

I just feel defeated.