Struggling with my interracial marriage

My husband is black and I am white. We have been married for 5 years and have one child.

I understand that I have privileges that my husband does not and I try to be aware of and recognize that. I do not believe my marriage and my biracial child absolve me of racism or make me black somehow. I have a black lives matter bumper sticker on my car. I'm in a "mom's of black son's" parenting group. I try to be an advocate for racial justice.

And yet I am struggling with being white and married to my black husband.

This all started a few months ago when my husband was talking about a black female actress that he has always loved and crushed on. He was gushing about how attractive she is to his brother- sort of jokingly exaggerating to be funny since I was listening. She is a celebrity and she is gorgeous so I wasn't actually jealous but it did make me feel weird because shes black. All of my husbands exes are beautiful black women. All of his siblings married black people and have adorable black children.

Then last week we were watching a show and he made a comment about me not understanding a joke because it was a "a black joke".

Sometimes when I tell him about a news story or something in the media with racism he says things like why do I care or acts like I can't be upset over it.

I feel like it all sounds really stupid to be upset over.

I feel like I'm constantly checking my privilege and trying to know my place. like if he says "you don't know what __ is like bc you're not black" I shut my mouth and think yeah that's true. But it's hard sometimes.

I finally asked him if he wished he had married a black woman instead so she could understand the things he does and he said "that would be nice". He was joking but it really hurt.

How do those of you that are white and married to a poc deal with feelings like these? I feel like I'm just always walking of eggshells and listening to him and his black friends and family share stories and tell jokes and talk and I'm just left out