I keep day dreaming of what our baby would look like. Would they be more like me? Will they love me? I ponder this and just keep thinking to my self like will it ever happen or am I not good enough.

I say this to SO and his response is always the same. Of course we are we got pregnant once it will happen again. I just smile and nod to him like okay.

My sister in law is showing now and it hurts me. We got pregnant at the same time but I lost mine at seven weeks where as she’s still going, I should be happy right? Like I’m not enough of a woman but she is. Granted she’s a size 4-6 and I’m 16-18. So of course I feel over weight.

My depression is smothering me and I just put on a smile for my SO and act like nothings wrong.

It’s been a couple months and I’ve made progress, completed the semester of school I was attending and made 2 A 1 B and 1 c. Not bad, but now school is starting back and now I’m working full time. When would I have time to take care of a infant.

I’d make time because it was or would be my baby. My angel. The pain I feel comes and goes and even today someone asked me if I was pregnant. Just a simple stranger, so I responded oh yeah my food baby. They acted shocked like how dare I make such a comment and walked away. I wish people would think before they blurted out there thoughts.

My parents have said to me that they can’t even enjoy there first grandchild because there afraid of hurting me.. that just hurt worse. I regret even telling them now. What kind of monster am I to make them feel this way?

I honestly don’t even know why I’m even typing this, it makes me feel better I guess to hope some one out there might read this and say hey im in the same boat. Or it’s okay.

Just no comments of your time will come, or it will happen.

It did once and my fear is it won’t again.. am I good enough?

Could it be?

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