I hope this wont be triggering for anyone reading this but this has been bothering me for a while now and I need another opinion, I don’t want to talk to or ask any of my friends or family because I’m worried about what they might think.

A bit of background first to get caught up. We met when I started my new job where we both work. He was literally so sweet and he would always be hugging me, rubbing my back and calling me lovely, I definitely was crushing on this guy pretty hard. He’s also a really conventionally attractive, he’s super in shape, plays soccer and has a smile that kinda melted my heart. And after almost a month of flirting and him being super sweet I invited him to a party I was going to on my birthday.

I got really drunk that night and ended up getting a ride to a friends house to sleep because I had agreed to give her a ride to work the next morning. And this guy came along because he was hoping for a lift the next day as well because he lives down the street from where my friend works. I told him in the car ride to my friends house that I wasn’t going to have sex with him that night because I didn’t want to anything to get weird at work and I’d rather get to know him better. When we got to my friends house he was going to sleep in the guest room and I was going to sleep with my friend in her room. But as we were talking he told me he really wanted to stay up talk with me longer and said he wanted to cuddle. My drunk self thought that this would be a good idea so we went into the guest room things started to get heated and the lights were off. We were getting ready to sleep cause I said I was tired, he stripped down to his boxers because thats apparently the only way he could sleep. We laid down and we’re just kissing. He asked if I wanted to have sex again and I asked if he had a condom with him. He didn’t so I said I didn’t want to have sex with him without one because I wasn’t on birth control. He asked if I was sure, and I replied that I was and I didn’t want to. Then we started kissing again and he took my leggings off and we had sex. I wasn’t planning on having sleeping with him that night. But I didn’t fight it from happening. Was this rape? We hooked up consistently after that for the next month and a half until some people we worked with started finding out but during that time he stopped being super sweet at work, and we didn’t talk nearly as much as we did before we started hooking up. Anyways this has been bothering me a lot since it happened and I could never talk to my friends or family about this because they would probably really hate him and might even cause a scene. I don’t want to cause any problems for anyone. Some insight or an outsiders opinion would be nice. I don’t hang out with him at all anymore we’re on ok terms but we don’t talk outside of work at all anymore