I was that girl who used to read all the posts on here about "my husband cheated.. OMG!!" & I used to look at my husband who was usually peacefully snoring in bed next to me & think 'god. He's adorable. I'm so lucky. He would never do that to me!'

... until he did. 💔

My husband reconnected with and started texting a girl he grew up with. A girl he used to date when he was 15. She was his first love. The chats started out friendly until she started reminiscing about old times back when they were intimate. Their conversations quickly became romantic which lead to the two of them telling each other they love each other & have never really gotten over each other & etc. The phone calls and text messages went on for around 3 months before I realized what was happening. The two of them planned to physically reconnect when my husband was supposed to visit his parents by himself last month. I found out before anything happened.

Anyway, we talked things over and we decided our marriage was worth another chance. He deleted her number in his phone & he lets me look at his phone whenever I feel like. The other day we went ice skating together for the first time... we both had such a good time and once we were in the car he started crying about everything to me. He told me he feels so guilty & upset with himself.

Am I horrible? Because I can't help but feel like he's truly only upset because she was the one who stopped talking to him (or at least that's how it looked to me). He messaged her after I kicked him out of our home saying something about how "the bomb exploded. My wife knows everything." He called her multiple different times and she wouldn't pick up. He messaged her and asked for her to message him back... she eventually did, but only to tell him that she wouldn't contact him anymore because she is married as well & doesn't "want problems". She then changed her phone number and deleted all her social media accounts.

I feel like he misses her. Like he looked forward to texting and calling her multiple times everyday. I feel like he misses the way she made him feel. I feel like he would have chosen her if she would have chosen him.

I'm going crazy & he's working late tonight and I'm all by myself stuck in my own head. Trying to think about how I can prove to myself he would choose me... I know everyone is thinking, "Leave him!" but please understand I'm in love with this man. So, I've come up with an experiment. I know how I can send him a text via a new email account under her name. I'll message him through that & pretend I'm her. I'll tell him how I miss him and that I want to be with him & see how he reacts. If he goes for it - I'll leave. If not I can feel assured she was a mistake & he honestly regrets what he did & know that he learned from his mistake. The problem is they both speak Spanish. I don't. I can use a translator but he would catch on quickly that it's not really her because she abbreviates her words and they talk in slang.

Anyone care to help ease my madness & clear my head by being my translator? 🤞🏻