Three days ago (Thursday) I was having a bad day. It was horrible. On December 3rd, 2017 I thought my depression had been “cured” because I was laughing so hard I fell off my bed. I found something that made me happy. But I remember things that made me sad and hate what made me happy. I hurt myself. I ruined my streak of almost 2 months clean. I was so proud for not hurting myself and being happy, but I ruined that. I hate myself for it. I never wanted to be that person who needed their friends to tell them everything is okay, and to show me funny pictures. I never needed that. But they did it anyways. I felt better but I was still crying the whole night.

I started my anti-depressants on the 5th of this month. It was probably the worst day ever but I didn’t hurt myself. I really want to know why I did it. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop myself from crying on the floor. None of my family members hold me when I cry, but I guess I never needed that before now. I needed my sister to hold me that night. I mean she walked in the room in the middle of me crying.

I’m just sad i ruined my streak of almost 2 months. Im sorry this makes no sense but I had to get that off my chest. I had a bad night 3 days ago. I’m trying to start that streak again. I’m saying I messed up. I ruined my beautiful arm.