So, when I was in high school I was in an awful relationship. I’d never had a boyfriend before, and this guy made me completely dependant on him, making me think no one but him could ever love me... until I met... let’s call him Danny. We talked a few times because his girlfriend was my friend, but during that terrible relationship we became really close friends. I ate lunch with them (with my boyfriend, who tried to pry me away from everyone except her because I later found out he liked her...) almost every day, and while she and my boyfriend geeked out about art together, me and her boyfriend geeked out about video games, music, and paranormal shit. Slowly, the couple began noticing the signs that I was being molested and mentally abused. Finally, after he raped me in the stairwell at school for probably the 200th time, they walked by me and saw me crying. They hugged me for what felt like an hour and insisted staying with me was more important than class. They were the first people I told about what my boyfriend had been doing to me. They made me feel safe, like my feelings and life were actually important. Soon after that, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried for a few days, and they stayed with me. I had lunch with them every day, the girl broke all contact with my now ex, and they really helped me through it. About a week later I finally figured out why I had been crying so much; I wasn’t sad, I was FREE. From that time on, I hung out with Danny and his girlfriend all the time. They became my best friends. Soon, I realised I was falling in love with Danny, HARD. I ignored this feeling completely, because I loved his girlfriend and I’m not a fucking home wrecker. I’d rather be miserable forever than even think about ruining the happiness of two people. Besides, he was a good friend and I didn’t need a relationship at that time.

Cut to about two years later. I’m in yet another emotionally abusive relationship. I hadn’t seen Danny or his girlfriend in a year. He calls me out of the blue to see if I want to go to a concert our mutual best friend was doing, because many of the band’s songs I helped write. We went, got dinner with the band after, and he came back to my place and we talked all night. His place was too far away to drive home to at 11 pm, so my mom let him stay on the couch. Instead of sleeping, we laid on floor of the living room and watched our favorite movies, played songs together on his guitar and my uke, and caught up on life. There was nothing even remotely romantic about the night, we were just two best friends reconnecting. At some point, he told me he and his girlfriend broke up. I was incredibly surprised, the last time I saw them they were making WEDDING plans. They’d been together for six years, despite her parents being conservative and extremely against her dating. They risked her whole college fund to be together in secret, and suddenly they broke up? Apparently, she had cheated on him. I felt terrible, because she always seemed like the sweetest, purest person. I HATE cheaters, I think it’s one of the most heartless things you can do to a person that loves you. I thought about asking him out after that night, but I was in a relationship (even if I couldn’t admit how abusive it really was.) A while later, I got the courage to break up with my shitty boyfriend. Danny comforted me, and when I was about to ask if he ever wanted to go on a date, he mentioned how devastated he was when his relationship ended, but that he bounced back and found the most amazing girlfriend recently... obviously, I didn’t bring up dating. In fact, I helped him with date ideas to woo this girl he liked so much, and wanted to show her how much he loved her. They were happy together, so I kept out of it except to help him when he needed it. Right when I got with the man I’m married to now, he broke up with her... he was very sick that year, so he didn’t know I was even married until I’d already moved across the country. Recently, he’s been well enough to talk more so we’ve been hanging out on Skype and shit. I still have feelings for him, and it really ducking hurts. There will always be a part of me that will regret not just asking him out. I’m in love with him, yes, but nothing could ever make me leave my husband. I told him about Danny, we have an incredibly open and trusting relationship we share phones and our computers all the time, so there’s no secrets between us. He was very calm about it, and only asked that if my feelings grew too strong then to either end the friendship or end our marriage. I was okay with this, I love Danny but I love my husband more. He’s my heart and my soul, and nothing could make me EVER want to end our marriage.

I know some girls will shit on me because I’m a “terrible person” and an “emotional cheater” but honestly, I feel so blessed to have a husband who’s so mature and loving, unlike my exes who abused me for talking to guys and girls alike because they thought I was a whore... I’m so happy to be in a mature relationship where we can actually talk through our issues like adults, and not scream or throw tantrums at each other. My feelings aren’t going to grow for Danny, while I love him I honestly prefer having him as a friend. He and my husband get along great, and I’m so deeply in love and happy with my husband for understanding my position... I’m glad he understands I was just trying to be honest, not trying to get a divorce or something. Ladies, while I know I’m far from the best person I think this is part of why it’s so important to find a man/woman who’s secure, mature, and can trust you as much as you trust them. Wishing everyone luck and love with the loves of their lives, whether that’s your spouse, SO, your child, or even your pets! Stay safe and happy ladies, sending positive vibes your way!