This is the most depressed I’ve been in years it’s very scary bottomless pit feeling and the worst part is I have a 17-month-old son and I’m pregnant and I’m scared to death because I feel this bad I have been making doctors appointments for the last five months and not keeping any of them are there’s always some excuse not to go and then the only days I don’t have my son but your Fridays are the mornings I make the appointment and I’m so tired I don’t even get up I have laid in bed so much in so long my body hurts today when I stand up I’m dizzy and have a headache it’s not from the pregnancy it’s from this nasty depressing feeling I have no white no parents no friends no one who would come over here and say get your ass up when is your next doctors appointment because I’m taking you and it’s sad because I shouldn’t need that I’m somebody‘s mother I need to get the fuck up and be his mother and I can’t and all it does is make me beat myself up more and more every dayI’m on the verge of being fired I’m not keeping the baby I just want to make myself get better for myself and for my son I’m so totally disgusted with myself it’s like being trapped somewhere with someone you hate but that person is yourself