This is my fifth cycle TTC and long story not short I asked my doctor to check my thyroid 6 months before we started this TTC business. He dismissed me and said don't worry even though hypothyroidism runs in my family history. Got a new doctor after four very short very painful cycles. Turns out my thyroid is so hypo I won't get pregnant without medication. And it will be 4-8 weeks before things are where they should be for me to even think about getting pregnant...

I have spent this TWW accepting this won't be my month while hanging onto this thread that maybe, just maybe, that bean will stick. At the same time it's hard not to think "had my doctor listened to me or if I had done something different I could be pregnant and not staring at what feels like this huge setback."

So here I am PSMing like a raging hormonal teenager, craving carbs, watching my temp drop, and waiting for AF to show up. My team lead then pulls me into a meeting room and asks the dreaded, "How have things been?" How do I WANT to respond??

How DID I respond? I took a breath and kept my cool. But then I just broke and blurted everything out through sobs, shakey breath, and tears... That we've been trying with no success, that I just got this news last week, that I'm angry and frustrated beyond belief... and that asking me to plan my career and apply on promotions is bunk when my priority is NOT work.

I've probably shot myself in the foot and will probably be looking for a new job in my future, regardless of the pay, benefits, and other cushy perks my current job has. But you know what else? No one has ever been on their death bed and said, "I was okay keeping that miserable job and spending less time with my family and children because the money was worth it." Loving my husband, making time for him and our future family, and making this baby, whenever that happens, IS my priority.