TTC harder than ever


Remember when in high school you were lectured about abstaining was the way to go to about an unwanted pregnancy. They drilled that into our heads. Fast forward now, I will be turning 32 in April. In my 20s with my serious boyfriend of 7 years ( no longer together .) I did not want to have any children, I was not ready. When I met my fiancé two years ago. He wanted children, and so did I. He already has children which are all older now.

Lately for the past few months, I have been having emotions of ups and downs about conceiving. We first tried last year in May and June, and what appeared to looked like some spotting in July my hopes went up. I had missed my period by a week, with tests coming up negative. Until a week later I ended up having my period. I sighted and said “ well maybe is not the time .”

Towards the end of 2017, I began to revaluate my life and compared myself to my mom, by my age she had three children, husband etc etc. I thought I was falling behind. Do I not understand how conception works?? I read and read online, talked to my doctors, and my doctor told me it takes a few tries.

Well you see , that’s where I saw the problem , fiancé is a long haul pilot, and sometimes he’s jetlagged in which I understand, because I was part of that industry. Until I decided to go to law school.

I keep reading that as you age it obviously gets harder to conceive, and passing 35 years of age for a woman, the chances minimizes. So like most women, I freaked out and “complained “ to the fiancé.

He keeps asking me when am I going to build him a little Stephy ( his name in shorten) I respond “ It takes two, not one. To make a child.”

There are times where he asks me this, and sometimes I believe he says this to her my hopes up.

If he was indeed serious about wanting to have a child with me, wouldn’t he be more involved? I running out of patience, and have began researching about IVT. When he comes back home from a trip I will sit him down, and discuss this with him.

It makes me cry, and sometimes I feel helpless. I have mentioned to him that if he doesn’t want to have children since he already has children then that’s ok. Then we can break things off and go our separate ways. He reaffirms me he wants to have a child with me.

Two days ago I had a discussion with him how most of my friends are getting pregnant, and then asked “ what have they done with their lives?”

I said he was rude , and the comment was unnecessary.

The truth is, that I really want a child. I would like to try now, or this year. With or with out him.