I was sexually assaulted 3 months ago and it’s just starting to get better but my ptsd and other problems are still here. I struggle to just write sexually assaulted in a sentence! The person that did it to me was a year older than me (he is a sophomore) and we and started flirting about a month before this happened. He was an asswhole to my other friends at our art table and he was only nice to me, so I thought he liked me. Not gonna lie we flirted and he would grab my butt, boob, and put his hand on my thigh. I only would put my hand on his thigh bc I thought we were playing around. He would grab my hand and try to push me to touch him but I would pull my hand out of his grasp. Then one day he was being kind of standoff ish with me and then ignored me for 20 mins before starting to move his hand up my leg trying to touch me but I would push his hand away. Then he pleaded me a couple times to let him touch me because he “promised it would feel good”. At this point I just didn’t know how to say no without looking like a prude to him. So I said idk and then he asked me again and I said maybe but I really didn’t want to. So instead of leaving it at that, he pulled my dress up (ps all while sitting in art table in class room) and finger me. I tried to make myself enjoy it so that I wouldn’t have to come to terms that I didn’t want or like it. So I pulled my dress down hoping he would get the signal. Then he did it again and the whole time I was just screaming at him in my head to go away and leave me alone. After he was done I pulled my dress down again. Then when he tried again u pushed his hand away and closed my legs tightly. Instead of leaving me alone he ripped my legs open and pulled my dress up doing it 2 more times. I didn’t understand why I wanted to cry and why I couldn’t feel like I could breathe. I reported it the next day thx to my friend offering advice bout how I was feeling violated, hurt, used, and dirty. Since then I’ve had ptsd with recurring nightmares about the guy and feeling useless, with flashbacks with the easiest triggers. So last class we were having a discussion about rape and he just couldn’t understand how that could happen if the girl or guy didn’t say no verbally. This made me realize that he isn’t educated on consent. Now I know this might not be considered rape but for me it feels close to it bc molestion and sexual assault just dont feel like they can describe everything I felt and experienced. I’m not saying I was raped bc everybody has different contexts but I just hate this agonizing deep pain in my chest when I experience my ptsd.