Hey everyone, please no bashing or anything i don't know how much more I can take.

I found out i was pregnant about two weeks ago. I'm 20 years old. I found out the day before I needed to move back into my dorm at the college I was attending where i met my now ex fiancé - (we will get into that a lot more later.) My mom asked me to leave college and finish my cosmetology school hours so I would have a stable job once the baby comes. I agreed and packed up my car a week into the semester.

We were not necessarily trying to have a baby. However, we were doing nothing to prevent it either. We said if it happens it happens but if it doesn't we will not get upset or sad. I was told multiple times by multiple doctors I would not be able to get pregnant without the use of fertility drugs because of my PCOS.

I know I'm super young to have a child. I'll be 21 when the baby is born. I'm really excited for this baby especially because it's such a little miracle.

Now to the extra juicy part. The part that is tearing me up that i cannot get over for the life of me. My fiancé left me because I found out I was expecting and he said I was going to ruin his life with a baby. He asked me to get an abortion and told me the only way he would stay is if i got one. I don't necessarily believe in abortion for myself just because who knows if i'd ever be able to get pregnant again afterwards and he KNEW this going into having sex with me and being in a relationship with me.

I used to ask him all of the time to pull out just incase and he would only do it the one time i asked him. (TMI) We would have sex two or three times a day so one time out of the three he would pull out.

He is telling me he does not want to be with me any more because of this. I have been trying and begging for him to understand that he does love me and that he's just scared because i'm having this baby.

What in the world do I do? Do i just let him go and see if he comes back to me? If he comes back and wants to be apart of my life should i even let him? I'm devastated and confused and feeling very very alone.

Because of all of this i can't help but feeling very depressed and negative about what is to come. I used to self harm a long long time ago and i have been having crazy urges. To stop myself (i know i won't do it if i keep telling myself i'm okay) I've been writing with pen positive notes on my skin where I would cut/burn. What else can I do to stop these urges while I am feeling this way? I have a therapist but it's 25 dollars a session and I want to save as much money as I possibly can. I've been through therapy most of my life but I would prefer people just listing their coping skills that helps them during hard times.

Thank you so much for reading this. I'm sorry this post is so long. I just don't want to talk about this with my friends yet because I am only about seven weeks along.