How do u know you've made the right decisions? I guess you dont. And I guess I console myself by thinking things could've turned out poorly in any situation. And I try to focus on the positives in my life. I've got a nice home (even though we're renting and have roommates and I seriously want our own apartment but husband never even entertains the idea.) I've got a wonderful son I love so much and my husband's family is great to me and very good people. And even though we're poor, we've got enough (though we could have more if my husband had a better job. He's holding out on a dream of his friend bringing him along when he opens a comic book store. So until then it's crappy work for money that isn't even worth it.) I'm fortunate enough to stay home with my son like my husband's always promised (though he holds it against me sometimes despite the fact that I take care of him like a child.) yet my mind keeps going back to this guy I used to know. And I thought he forgot about me though we still have each other on social media. but he messaged me the other day to see how things are going. I quickly got rid of him, knowing where it could lead me if I started to talk with him. but now I'm wondering what he's made for himself. what he's doing.. And I've never really been attracted to my husband ... apart from the lustful teenage years. yet thijs guy.. last time i saw him.. i was attracted to him. i always have been. always felt connected somehow. i sound crazy i know.im pregnant with number two. I've got to shake these feelings. have to focus on my marriage. even though I'm laying in bed alone again because my husband is up playing video games with friends. I feel guilty for having conversations with my husband because I know he's rather be playing video games. And I can't bring up anything stressful because work sucks. it's easier to imagine that life would be better with the unknown. but I know that's not likely. I'm a mean and rude person.. my husband tells me that a lot anyways. im self centered. so its pretty incredible ive somehow managed to get a husband i guess. i doubt anyone else would even stick around me. Not sure what's a mistake anymore.